Ambition Wanted

I'm sitting in the library, looking out the window at a river of cars flashing by. So many lives, so many stories. Behind them, there's a spread of lighted homes, and a whole lot of Christmas lights. Utah doesn't waste time.

I need some ambition. Or rather, I need things that I can give my ambition to. My job was working great, but then they randomly cut my hours down to less than ten, which is not something I can live on. So, back to job-hunting. My show opens on December 15, and honestly I will be glad when it is done. If I've learned anything from it, it's that I need to be in real musicals, or straight plays. None of this "play with music" stuff.

So when does this show come? I don't know. When and where will I find a job that lets me get into an apartment? I don't know. Am I going to be accepted to the University of Utah, and if I am, will I get into the theatre department? I don't know. Should I even be in Salt Lake? I. Don't. Know. I am aware that nothing in life is certain, but I'm not very good with not having a plan.

Christmas is my favorite time of year, but I've never had to spend it away from home before. When I was in Chadron, I knew that I would be going home in time for the actual holiday. Now, I have no such guarantee. I don't think I'm ready to grow up yet.

As soon as things start getting anywhere near stagnant, I start getting antsy and thinking that maybe I should move on, even though I haven't genuinely settled here yet. I'm so anxious for the future to get started, but I don't know how to start it.

Thanksgiving

I surprised my family by coming home for Thanksgiving yesterday-- just showed up at their house. It is so amazing to see them again at home! The long drive was totally worth it, and the roads were mostly clear. Thanksgiving is all about being grateful for the people that you love, and I am feeling the spirit of it more than ever this year. I love my family so much! I hope everyone takes the opportunity tomorrow to reflect on all the ways God has blessed their lives. I know that just being here is one of my blessings.

Really?

I even got this booklist from a library. It horrifies me.

Future Plans

So I watched Mr. Holland's Opus, finally. It's been on my list for years. I loved it. It inspired me and terrified me at the same time. I love how Mr. Holland (for the life of me I cannot remember his first name) was a great teacher and helped everyone make better lives and SPOILERS finally got to conduct his symphony, but it was after thirty years. I don't want to spend thirty years of my life knowing that I would rather be doing something else. I want to make a living at what I love, not what I can get by on.

In consequence of watching the film, I decided I needed to make a plan. I've been looking at colleges again, because I really want to get back to school. Although Southern Utah University is still my favorite Utah school, it's down in Cedar City, and I have fallen in love with Salt Lake. Also, I'd rather not job-hunt for as long as possible. So the school that I'd really like to go to (right now) is the University of Utah. The College of Fine Arts just announced a Musical Theatre program!

Things I am being forced to remember about college applications:
-College is VERY expensive.
-You must remember everywhere you've been for the last three years.
-Everywhere.
-They are just as stressful as college.

Anyway, the priority deadline is December 1, and I can't say how nice it would be to have all of my stuff in by then, so I'm doing my best to get it done. If I can't be working at theatre professionally, I can go to school and work towards that point.

"I think the biggest mistake people make is not trying to make a living at what they most enjoy." -Malcolm Forbes

A Great Weekend

My family came to visit on Friday, and just left this morning. I missed them as soon as I started walking away, but it was so great to have them come! I was excited to talk to them, hug them, laugh with them and do the things that I have been missing.

We watched Hello, Dolly! and Arthur (the greatest television show ever) as well as an episode of The Sing-Off. (I thought the Dartmouth Aires did best, but I also like Vocal Point.) Dad, Julia, Bethany, Emma, and I played a very intense game of Risk that ended late at night with Bethany blockading Australia, Emma trying to combine her two massive armies, and me hanging out in New Shakespeare Land (four Asian countries plus Fair Mother England and Scandinavia). Matthew was a spectator and Julia was also watching after we teamed up to get her out. She took England!

This morning we got to go to Hogle Zoo, which is great. The animals had just been fed and were very active. We even saw two tigers fighting! It was exciting. Joshua loved the monkeys, although he was a little frightened of the gorilla. He wanted to see snakes and did. I thought that the Black-footed Cat was the cutest animal there. The Bat-eared Fox came right up to the glass and was walking around, which was great. Two of the wolves were also running around and I love wolves. There is a baby elephant and some baby meerkats as well. Joshua got to feed the turkeys some corn. It was a great way to end the visit. When I have a family of my own, I pray it's just like mine.

Things I Love

A better title would have been "Things I Am Remembering Again How Much I Love", but that seemed a little long. This post is about those things in life that you know you love, but it isn't until you watch/read/whatever them again you remember HOW MUCH you love them, and why you became obsessed with them in the first place. The later remembrances almost rival the initial ones. Without further ado:

-Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. I am saying without hesitation that this is the best book I've ever read. I've read a lot of books. I re-read it last week and couldn't sleep. It's that brilliant. It is Emily's only novel, and thank goodness she wrote it (just a year before she died). Heathcliff and Cathy are my All-time Favorite Couple. No one, repeat, no one, beats them.

-Tim Curry. He is an epic person. I just found a movie based on a Terry Pratchett novel (I've never read him, but maybe I should start), and he was a wizard. Let me just say that any man who can play a pirate (!) AND a wizard has my heart. Also, the way he rolls his eyes is sexy.

-Being in a play. Yeah, we all know that theatre has my heart forever and ever, but now I'm actually in a show, which hasn't been the case since April. I love watching the cast come together, I love getting to know my director, Jake, and his habits, I love making new friends and new memories. Tonight we spent most of rehearsal choreographing and speaking in ridiculous Spanish accents. "Bring the Christmas heat! Now cool it off! And Christmas fiesta, fiesta, fiesta!"

-Learning new things. I've taken up getting two non-fiction books every time I go to the library- one biography and one general. I am learning so much! It's good that there are people who dedicate parts of their lives to writing books about random topics, or I would probably never think of them. I've read about the first woman to circumnavigate the globe (Jeanne Baret), how America is changing the world's view of mental sickness, Kristin Chenoweth's biography, and how Disney and the color pink are changing today's girls, just to start. So much to learn, so little time!

-Donuts with sprinkles. Especially maple bars. Simple pleasure, but sooo good.

Annie (1999 Disney Version)

Musical of the moment for me (at least film wise) is Annie. Not the Andrea McArdle version, but a made-for-television one that Disney released in 1999. It has Audra McDonald (Ragtime) and Kristin Chenoweth (Wicked, You're a Good Man Charlie Brown, Promises, Promises) for your dose of Broadway magic, as well as Alan Cumming, Kathy Bates, and Victor Garber.

I hadn't seen Annie for years, or even listened to the songs from it, besidess the classic "Tomorrow" and "It's a Hard Knock Life." I didn't have the highest expectations. Let's face it, made-for-television versions are seldom that great. But I was pleasantly suprised. I lovd McDonald and Chenoweth, though that's to be expected. I was already a huge fan. But I also loved Garber as Daddy Warbucks, and his chemistry with McDonald was fantastic. The soundtrack will be stuck in my head for days, I can tell.

♫ Easy street, easy street.... ♪

CAST! And hired!

I've been cast as Duchess Guinea Yen in Titus Theatre Production's The Frog and I! Our show will be playing at the Murray Historic Theatre on December 15, 16, and 17. Each performance will be followed by a Christmas-themed olio with songs and sketches. This show has a very fun feel to it, perfect for the whole family. :) I'm glad to be a part of it.

Also, I am no longer a member of the unemployed! The new Brick Oven in South Jordan hired me yesterday, and I go to orientation next week. It is a good feeling to know that I'll be having a paycheck!

Song that's been stuck in my head lately: "One More Sad Song" by the All-American Rejects [Funnily enough, I'm not sad at all. I've been very positive lately. C:]

Job Searching

I am searching for a job. And searching for a job. And following that by searching for more jobs. Bleh. I just want to be onstage. Which isn't happening right now. :C

Someday my play will come.

On a brighter note, starting in October I'm going to be ushering at Abravenal Hall and/or the Capital Theatre. I'm not getting paid, but I'll be seeing the shows for free, which is just as good, if not better, in my book. I am beyond excited for this opportunity.

I'm also trying to keep my eyes out for summer stock theatre opportunities. There's nothing thad I'd rather be doing with my summer. Things will start pulling together. Things will start pulling together. Things WILL start pulling together.

Interview and Audition

Well, I've completed both my first job interview and my first audition here in Salt Lake City. Although I got lost on the way to the interview, I felt like it went well once I actually got there. As for the audition, well, I think it could have been better, but it also could have been a lot worse. If only I'd been able to stop my legs from shaking. But we'll see, about both, I guess.

Salt Lake is really....big. I can't think of any other word to describe it. Especially at night when everything is lit up and it goes forever, and you can't imagine how anyone could ever see all of it. There are so many different people here! All these stories, twisting and intertwining everyday. I've never been around so many people in my life. What can I say? I absolutely love it. There's so much to do, so much to see!

Moving Days

I can't believe that I'm actually going to be in Salt Lake City in a little over a week. It still doesn't seem real. I'm supposed to be boxing up stuff right now, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Not yet. I've been crying at the drop of a hat for the last two weeks, and I don't think it's going to get any better until I get established in Utah. Oh boy.

I have so much stuff to get done today, and all I want to do is watch YouTube and play snake. What a responsible and mature person I am.

One of These Days

One of these days I'm really going to make it, and people are going to know my name. Someone is going to look at me and say, "Wow, I wish that I could be like her." I'll be on a stage every day of my life, and see my name in the program.

I just don't know when.

O.W.L.s

Which girl kept track of each Harry Potter character's first line and is now going to quiz her siblings on them?

This girl.

Because I wanted to do it the Hogwarts way, I wrote everything in the four tests by hand. Rather monotonous. It's actually going to be pretty sweet, though. I'm excited. I don't know how well I would have done on the test if I hadn't been prepared-- there are some that you'd have to be asleep to miss, but others are pretty unexpected or tricky. Who would've thought that Vernon Dursley, one of the most unfeeling characters, has the first line of "Sorry"? Or that all Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter's arch-enemy, says is, "Hi."?

It's brought me to wonder what people remember me as saying the first time I met them. I've said and then forgotten a lot of words in my life, I'd like to know which ones are actually remembered.

Harry Potter rocks.

Summer Time and the Living Is Easy

It's been a while, so I thought I'd post a recap of what's going on lately. K-mart's been taking up a lot of my time. And guess what? It's not the living hell that I thought it was! I've made some good friends, met some cute guys, and learned some things. Of course, I'm still anxious to be done with it and on to something more enjoyable, but it turns out that you really can be happy anywhere.

Summer has been pretty much awesome this year, in spite of my nagging fears of forthcoming failures. I like the sun on my face and the grass between my toes, with the lovely feeling that comes on my days off from having nothing to do and all day to do it in. :)

I turned nineteen a couple weeks ago, and had an absolutely fantastic birthday. My family is just the greatest. My little brother, Matthew, got me a Broadway quizbook, and I have been discovering so many new musicals from it. Awwwesome! :D Candide, Martin Guerre, the Scarlet Pimpernel, Phantom (not to be confused with the Andrew Lloyd Webber show), and Lucky Stiff are great listens, just to name a few.

After school got out in May I made a goal to reread the Harry Potter books by the end of the summer, and I am thrilled to say that I did it. It had been quite a while since I had actually read them, (I tend to go for a while just coasting on my remembered knowledge) but they are just so GOOD! Especially, of course, my all time favorite Harry Potter character, and one of my favorite characters of all time, Severus Snape. That man is freaking epic.

I've been housesitting a house that I dearly love with my best friend who I dearly love, and it's a perfect way to start ending the summer. I'll be moving to Salt Lake next month, and I'm not sure how that's going to go, but I'm just trying to enjoy the moments that I have right now as they come.

Peace out.

Audition Video

Trying to make an audition video for a production of Into the Woods. I auditioned for this in person, but apparently they now have a new director and are holding auditions tomorrow. It has quickly become apparent that I hate how my singing voice sounds on camera. I desperately hope that it's better in real life, because otherwise I am never going to be cast again, in anything, ever. I'm debating between sending "Home" from Beauty and the Beast or "Part of Your World" from Little Mermaid. Bethany was helping me, and we tried multiple takes of "Far From the Home I Love," but it was an unmitigated disaster. I'm not a huge fan of that song anyway.

Guys get the best solos. I mean, there are some awesome solos for girls out there, but most of them are such showstopping, star-making songs that if you can't pull them off like you -are- Idina Menzel or Barbra Streisand, then you sound a lot worse than you are. It could also be a factor that I think guys are just nicer to listen to than girls.

Sigh. Back to the editing booth, I guess.

Bring on the Summer

I'm having a good day. C: I'm going to an audition for Wizard of Oz in Salt Lake on Friday, and even the prospect of being involved in a production again has me smiling. I've successfully memorized the song "Boston" by Augustana on the piano, and it's a beautiful day outside. Also, I had a huge lecture series/shouting debate/heated conversation all sorts of Harry Potter characters and plot elements with my little sisters and their friends. It has been too long since I have done that. Harry Potter will never die. Ah, it's a good day. C:

June 3

Guess who offered me a job? K-mart.

If I take this job, there will be no theatre or even the opportunity to audition for at least two months. Maybe that doesn't sound so long to you, but I've been craving it for weeks. Down in the Valley got over two months ago, and I need more of it. It's fine. I don't care. I'm just going to waste my summer in Cody with a job that I hate. Woohoo. Also, my cd player in my car has taken to refusing to eject cds correctly. For most of the way back from Cody it wouldn't eject Anastasia at all, and I was fairly certain that I was never going to be able to play a cd in it again. Until it randomly and completely without provocation decided to eject it.

It's days like this that I'd really like to have a boyfriend.


Song of the Day: "Santa Fe" from Newsies

My Feet Hurt

I walked up and down Main Street of Cody today. Twice. My feet are killing me. And would you like to know how many applications I got turned in out of the entire process? Three. That's right. Three. Yay achievement.

I don't want to work at K-mart. I mean, I will if I have to, but it's like the inferior version of Wal-mart. I have to go interview on Friday. I'd really like for one of the other places I've applied to call me before then. Working at K-mart just sounds like a blasty-blast of a summer job, doesn't it?

Bleh. I want an iPod.

TV and Its Addictiveness

I relapsed. I quit Castle cold turkey a couple weeks ago a little into the third season. (When I find a show that I like, I can't just pick up wherever I happen to be, I have to go back to the beginning. It can turn into a significant time commitment if this show's been going for very long.) I felt like I was overdosing, so I left it alone. Now I've devoured three episodes in the last two hours and fixing to start a fourth. YouTube people who upload TV episodes are my heroes. I suppose there's always Netflix/Hulu, but I'm content with what I've got.

Castle is an adorable dad, and he and Beckett need to get together now. That is all I have to say about that. Also, I love Ryan and Esposito. Alexis has her moments. Grandma I occasionally like.

The reason I got into Castle in the first place was a recommendation from my aunt in Texas after I posted about Firefly. (LOVE LOVE LOVE, but that's a subject for another post.) She told me that I could get "my Nathan Fillion fix" with Castle. It's quickly becoming apparent that I am indeed addicted to the charming and quirky Mr. Fillion. The only place I had seen him previously was Dr. Horrible's Sing-along Blog, but I hated him like I was supposed to. Neil Patrick Harris was my favorite out of that, and I have a huge crush on him. (I was so sad when I found out that he was gay.) I fell head over heels with him in Firefly, and now in Castle. I can't get enough.

Anyway, I just watched season three, episode nine: Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind. Castle made multiple references to the X Files, which I've never seen. (I haven't seen the vast majority of popular TV shows.) If the Scully/Mulder dynamic is anything like the Castle/Beckett one, I might have to check it out. But I might not, for the same reason that I deliberately avoided ever seeing any episode of LOST. The truth is, I'd like to have a little more of a life than sitting at my computer 24/7 watching TV episodes that everyone else has already seen.

I miss watching Glee in real time with Sara, Rian, and Jesse.

Short Story

So my friend Andrew texted me a prompt for a short story. He couldn't have had better timing. For the last couple of days I've been trying to find the inspiration for a story. The hardest part for me is always the beginning. It always feels way too formal. If I can get force a few paragraphs that meet my standards, then I will be fine. The rest of the story is easier, and I can go back and fix the beginning at my leisure.

This story is different from anything I've ever written before. Usually I write comedy, and I almost always write fanfiction. It's easy for me. I wish that I was better at coming up with my own characters, but I love writing it because I love the characters so much. But this is really quite serious (it's about a nameless girl who commits suicide at the end), and I'm quite proud of it, though I'm only four pages into it.

Here's Andrew's awesome prompt:
“Tick tock, grains fall, life sways, memories die, ignore feelings, let them fly, life is short, soon to die, ask a question, what will it be, life is full with inaccuracies, never changes, never pray, try to live day by day, is right wrong, is wrong right, will life contain a hidden light, we will see when I get back what was stolen from me, fate is real, fate is fake, is a life at stake.”

There are so many things I could do with this. I think I'll file it away for those writers block days.

May 28, 2011

The truth is, I have no idea where I'll be three months from now. None. I thought I was set to go to Missoula, but I don't think that's going to happen anymore. Then I was going to stay in Powell with Tessa, but I don't think I can deal with that either. Now I'm leaning towards Utah, but I have no firm idea of where or what I would be living on.

The hardest parts about leaving Powell would be leaving Tessa, Jan, and my family. Ever since I came back in December, I really got used to being around them. I remember how hard it was in Chadron when I couldn't hug my mom even when I hard the hardest of days. It sucked. Jan is the best choir director I have had or, I firmly believe, will ever have. He is absolutely amazing and ultra talented. I have never met someone who is so genuinely interested in getting each student the best possible education. He remembers everyone's names! In college that's something you don't see every day. He saw the talent in me when I didn't see it in myself, and I always felt confident around him, because I knew that he believed I could do it. High standards, hard work, only the best accepted. If I could sing under him for everything I ever did again, I would do it.

Tessa is the best best friend I could ever ask for. I don't know why she puts up with me, to be honest. More than that, she thinks she's lucky. Incredible. I can't think of leaving her behind, especially since I turned into the worst best friend there's ever been while I was in Chadron. She knows me better than anyone else on earth, and she deserves better. I'd love to stay another year with her, but this town is smothering me.

There is NO opportunity for growth here. I mean, there's Jan, but to stay around for one professor, even one who said that he would get you a scholarship if you stayed, is crazy. And if there was more of a theatre scene, I probably would stay. But there is nothing. Nothing! The college puts on a fall play, and sometimes collaborates with the high school/community for a spring musical. But that's it. Two plays a year. That's ridiculous. If I were to go to Utah, which sounds really attractive right now, there would be theaters everywhere. Auditions all the time. So many chances, I'd be bound to get in something. Right? Maybe not. I've counted on a lot of things that haven't come to pass. Maybe by going down I'd just be setting myself up for disappointment.

Song for the day: "Remember" by Misty Miller