The truth is, I have no idea where I'll be three months from now. None. I thought I was set to go to Missoula, but I don't think that's going to happen anymore. Then I was going to stay in Powell with Tessa, but I don't think I can deal with that either. Now I'm leaning towards Utah, but I have no firm idea of where or what I would be living on.
The hardest parts about leaving Powell would be leaving Tessa, Jan, and my family. Ever since I came back in December, I really got used to being around them. I remember how hard it was in Chadron when I couldn't hug my mom even when I hard the hardest of days. It sucked. Jan is the best choir director I have had or, I firmly believe, will ever have. He is absolutely amazing and ultra talented. I have never met someone who is so genuinely interested in getting each student the best possible education. He remembers everyone's names! In college that's something you don't see every day. He saw the talent in me when I didn't see it in myself, and I always felt confident around him, because I knew that he believed I could do it. High standards, hard work, only the best accepted. If I could sing under him for everything I ever did again, I would do it.
Tessa is the best best friend I could ever ask for. I don't know why she puts up with me, to be honest. More than that, she thinks she's lucky. Incredible. I can't think of leaving her behind, especially since I turned into the worst best friend there's ever been while I was in Chadron. She knows me better than anyone else on earth, and she deserves better. I'd love to stay another year with her, but this town is smothering me.
There is NO opportunity for growth here. I mean, there's Jan, but to stay around for one professor, even one who said that he would get you a scholarship if you stayed, is crazy. And if there was more of a theatre scene, I probably would stay. But there is nothing. Nothing! The college puts on a fall play, and sometimes collaborates with the high school/community for a spring musical. But that's it. Two plays a year. That's ridiculous. If I were to go to Utah, which sounds really attractive right now, there would be theaters everywhere. Auditions all the time. So many chances, I'd be bound to get in something. Right? Maybe not. I've counted on a lot of things that haven't come to pass. Maybe by going down I'd just be setting myself up for disappointment.
Song for the day: "Remember" by Misty Miller