Obsessions

I spent the last three weeks shotgunning Buffy the Vampire Slayer like none other. However I was not warned that this show would cause me to want to stake my own heart out because of intense emotions and anguish and the evil Joss Whedon. "Never go for the kill when you can go for the pain." That was said by a vengeance demon, but I'm sure that Joss Whedon has it written on his bathroom mirror.

Spike is perfect. Just perfect. I can't ever put into words how much I love him. I adored him from his first appearance. He entered in season two as a hilarious and sexy villain. He came back for a couple episodes in season three. Then came season four, when the inundation really began. He was forced to ask Buffy and her friends for sanctuary after the government messed with his brain and that's when he started being in every episode. Then there was season five.

Season five put me through an emotional wringer; I cried on three separate occasions. All the things that Spike did for her-- it makes me feel ALL THE EMOTIONS. It hurts to see someone so perfect get rejected and be in pain.  And then there is the tragedies that assault Buffy that season. It is horrible. Season six started off very gloomy, but the middle was full of happiness. Three perfect episodes in a row-- "Once More, With Feeling", "Tabula Rasa" and "Smashed." I was one billion percent okay with that. Season six got dark fast, though, and the happiness went away.

And then there was season seven. All I wanted was more Spike/Buffy. His soul. Her pain. His insanity. Her sense of futility. Finally, finally, finally they could have been happy together. He was a good man by anyone's definition. She was so lonely. And she cared about him so much. Everyone could see it: Giles, the Potentials, Faith, everyone except for them. "She will come for me. She will come for me." "I'm not ready for you to not be around."

I finished the seventh and final season today. Joss Whedon is evil and only kills people that I love. Why did stupid Angel have to come back and mess up everything? Why did he have to bring the amulet? UGH WHY COULDN'T SHE SAY "I LOVE YOU" EARLIER? The tears started immediately, and I sat on the couch sobbing for an hour after the credits had played. I couldn't stop. I hurt so much. I feel like a friend has died. I forgot how physically painful it can be to care about fictional characters. I haven't cried this hard over a ship or a character for....I don't know, years.

Spike is forever in my heart, and he loves Buffy and she loves him. That is all.