Wednesday, August 7, 2013

The Five Hottest Fictional Men

Ladies, there ain't no man like a fictional man. I spent all day editing and switching things around for this list. You know, it had the unexpected side effect of making me feel really okay with my state of perpetual singleness, because I'm having trouble imagining the guy who could match up to the standards set by these beautiful men, and who wants to settle anyway? Haha.

Disclaimer: No pirates appear on this list, because if I had included them the whole entry would be pirates. This way y'all get some variety, and I don't have to rank my favorite people. Because, holy cow, pirates.

Anyway, without any further ado, Rebecca's Five Hottest Fictional Men

1. Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

I thought about doing a countdown list, Letterman style, but I just could not wait to rave about my One True Love. Help, I've fallen for Spike and I can't get up. But while you're out summoning help can you just let me watch Spike footage? On second thought, don't bother going for help. I'm good. LEAVE.

How do I explain Spike? Words fail miserably. He is flawless. He's a vicious, violent vampire who has a sarcastic remark for everyone and every situation. He is INCREDIBLY hot, and that's coming from a girl who doesn't like blonde men. But LOOK at him! Those cheekbones....mmm. His wicked sense of humor and bad-boy presence....I just can't handle him. He says what he wants, and it is both hilarious and true. Spike values himself. He is not a good guy. What he is is sexy, side-splittingly funny, witty, inconveniently honest, ruthless, and SO PERFECT. He hates to be mocked, but doesn't take himself or anyone else seriously. All of his quotes are perfect. All of them. I'm desperately in love with him, and a wee bit obsessed. And did I mention that I find him rather fetching?

2. The Doctor (Doctor Who)

There have been eleven regenerations of the Doctor so far (and Peter Capaldi was just announced as the actor who will be playing the Twelfth Doctor), but I've only seen Nine, Ten, and Eleven. Ten is my favorite, but he's only a hair's breadth above Nine.

The Doctor is a hero. He saves the day, at least as much as he can. His different regenerations have their own unique quirks, who are great in their own ways, but he counts as one entry, because I simply love the Doctor. Just, him. His goodness, his curiosity, his willing to put others before himself. He is secretly sad, sometimes silly, and endlessly curious. He is a lover (Doctor/Rose forever) and a fighter and a wanderer. He's been called the Oncoming Storm, the Lonely God, and the last of the Time Lords. I want to climb inside in the T.A.R.D.I.S. and run away through time and space with him.

 3. Dustfinger (Inkheart)

I don't have a picture of Dustfinger, because he's from a book, and the film version doesn't do him justice (although I love Paul Bettany!) In my head he's tall, slender, and pale. His hair is thick, and a shade somewhere between brown and auburn. His eyes are sad and his fingers are nimble. That's as good a description as I can give.

Dustfinger comes from a book within a book (a book that I definitely recommend).  He was my first literary crush, and I never get tired of him. He's a fire eater (it's pretty much what it sounds like), and he's got experience traveling in and out of books. Would that I could. Dustfinger is slow to trust and quick to run. He is in love with a married woman. He is sensitive and scarred, both physically and emotionally, and I can't explain what I find so wonderful about him. He's so clever-- he considers himself a coward, but he's really very brave when someone he cares about is in danger. And although I can't say why, he is wonderful.

4. Aragorn (Lord of the Rings)

If you're waiting for a knight in shining armor character to make an appearance, this is the closest there's going to be. Probably the closest to a Prince Charming too, especially since he's royalty.

The True King of Gondor, Strider, the DĂșnedain-- Aragorn answers to many names. I don't think anyone could name them all, maybe not even himself. He is a taciturn warrior. In addition to intimidating brooding, he is the definition of tall, dark, and handsome. He usually keeps his emotions private. He thinks of himself last, when he bothers to think of himself at all. He would die for a cause he deems worthy without a second thought. And if you want a rousing speech, Aragorn's your man.

5. Han Solo (Star Wars)

I think I've been attracted to Han Solo since.....forever. I've always loved him. Who can resist his one-liners and his devil-may-care attitude? He flies the freaking Millennium Falcon-- what a chick magnet!

He's a scoundrel, but they love him. Breaks a new heart every day. He's a scoundrel, but I adore him, and I wish that he would travel my way. He's a cynical smuggler who lives in a galaxy far, far away. He's in it for the money, or that's what he'd like you to believe. He's got a heart of gold, though, however, and not the monetary kind. Sarcastic and ready with a quip, with charm to spare. Heck, the man positively drips charm. He doesn't exactly express emotion well, but he's great in a tight spot. And very easy on the eyes.

Honorable mention: Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights) and Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice). Two classic literary men, polar opposites, extremely attractive.

This post was so much fun to write. What a hard life, googling pictures of g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s men. ;)


  1. Rebecca, you crack me up! I love this list. I've never read Inkheart, but now I want to after reading your description of Dustfinger. All the others are your list are excellent choices as well! I approve...not that you need my approval. :)

    1. But I want your approval! C: Thanks-- and Inkheart really is good.

  2. I shared the list with Bethany and Julia. They thought you did a good job. I have to smile about your choices, especially Han Solo since he is the only one I introduced you to. Where is Gilbert? He's my favorite. I love you!!