Today I read a blog post about sandpaper.
This is my response.
When I was a little girl, I had a poster on my wall with a vase holding roses and a single daisy. It was captioned “Be Your Own Kind of Beautiful.” As I grew up, I developed a love/hate relationship with that poster. I knew very early that I was a daisy. There is nothing wrong with daises. Daisies are pretty good flowers. But when all the guys want roses, it kind of (okay, more than kind of) makes you want to be a rose too.
Daisy girls are great friends. We can recite along with The Princess Bride and Disney movies. We would rather discuss Star Wars than go shoe shopping. We read, and have strong opinions about many topics. We wish on dandelions, stars, and 11:11. We love baking cookies and talking to kids. We laugh out loud and sing in the car.
But for whatever reason, we don’t get asked out, although we like to think of ourselves as not altogether repulsive. We wonder if the problem is with our looks or our personality, because we’ve berated ourselves about both. We certainly try to meet the first three requirements when it comes to being “cute, modest, intelligent, and ninety meters away.”
I was both comforted and depressed to learn about sandpaper guys. My first emotion was relief. “Oh, thank goodness. I have a chance of a good guy liking me, even if he has never tried to hold my hand.” It’s certainly nicer to think, “He hasn’t called me because he is scared to,” than “He hasn’t called me because he has forgotten that I exist.”
But after the second reading I had to ask, “Why? Why won’t you call her?” Gentlemen, we’re waiting. Some nights we stare at our phones mentally willing them to ring. And frankly, we’re not likely to turn up our nose at an invitation that comes via facebook message or a text.
Let me tell you something. When a girl is consistently the only one initiating contact, it does nothing for her self-esteem (which is already not the greatest). She gets to thinking very quickly that if you wanted to talk to her, you would talk to her, and she is making an annoyance of herself. Daisy girls are not exactly glamorous, you know. Awkward was probably the word you were looking for. We have strange quirks that make our roommates laugh and say, “Oh, that is so you.”
We are the girls without boyfriends. Most of our experience in the dating world has been facebook stalking while being stuck solidly in the friend zone. And we are lonely, although we don’t advertise the fact. As wonderful as chocolate and Wuthering Heights are, they do leave something to be desired. We have started coming up with names for the twelve cats that our Cat Lady future holds, and use humor as a coping mechanism.
Sandpaper guys, I salute you. Heaven knows that there are not enough genuinely good guys in this world. In your own words, you are “Too good to settle for the easy ones, too stupid to go for the right ones, and too cowardly to go for our dreams.” But if you won’t go for your dreams, who will?
“One day our time will come. One day…”
Believe me when I say that I understand how this feels. But if you won’t do anything about your singleness, I guess we’ll all have to be lonely forever.
You admit that girls probably like you, but that you are “too nice to try.” Try! You are over intimidating yourselves! Daisy girls don’t want to end up with the “smooth” guys, anyway. We don’t need the most creative date in the universe, but we do need you to set up that date. As much as I’d like to break the touch barrier by jumping into your arms and exclaiming, “I’m already in love with you, just don’t screw it up!,” that’s not how it works.
Look, guys, I know I'm not the most gorgeous girl you will ever meet, or the smartest, or the most talented. But you can rest assured that I will see you in a way that rose girls won’t. A rose girl may take your efforts for granted, but I promise I never will.
I am a daisy girl. And when you love a daisy girl, she gives you her whole heart.