Memory, all alone in the moonlight....

Don't you love it when your sleep schedule gets really and thoroughly screwed up?

Yeah, me too. It's always a good time.

Lately I've been shotgunning books like there's no tomorrow (I've read three to completion in the last twenty-four hours), and I'm not exactly sure why. It's true that I'm not in a show right now (even though I thought I was-- long story), but I haven't read this much volume wise since probably high school. I blame the excellent documentary I watched a few weeks ago about our memories. It was narrated by John Cleese, which is a good thing. Wait, no, strike that out. John Cleese narrated the other documentary that I watched, the one about the human face. That's an example of what I'm afraid of-- memory loss. This documentary said that memory loss begins as early as twenty-seven, and that's only six years away for me.

I can understand why our bodies decline, age, and generally start having problems. They are like vehicles which are to be worn out in living. But to think that my mind will also age and decay acutely terrifies me. I have always been a bookworm, a lover of trivia, someone who is generally excited by education and new ideas. To think that I may lose these traits and/or my grasp on reality.....I don't want to think about that.

I think that my recent craving to read everything I can get my hands on is me trying to deal with this. Maybe if I can just cram all these stories and knowledge into my head, I won't lose them. Finders, keepers, right? I logically know that this isn't true, but one must cope somehow. It's years and years from now that I'll actually have to worry about losing my memory, but my memories are what me, well, me. And books having always been a huge part of who I am.

So that's fun. Hopefully I get distracted by some other fear soon, one more immediate and easier to reassure myself about. Now where did I leave my purse.....?


Books I've read since the beginning of July:
-The Return of the King (JRR Tolkien)
-The Color Purple (Alice Walker)
-Murder on the Links (Agatha Christie)
-The Sundance Kid (Donna Ernst)
-The Whole Five Feet (Christopher Beha)
-John Brown's Spy (Steven Lubot)
-Never Have Your Dog Stuffed (Alan Alda)
-The Book of Happy Endings (Elise Valmorbida)
-Buyology (Martin Lindstrom)

Chance

Most days end about how you thought they would. A few small deviations, an encounter with a friend, an odd conversation, or an unexpected mood change are about all you can really expect to vary. But every now again come the days that are Different. Big changes are in the air, changes that you set in motion with tiny choices, and now you are about to be startled with what life has in store for you. Something happens that you had not even considered a possibility twenty-four hours ago. Call it luck or chance or tender mercies or the element of surprise, but it is nice to be reminded that I am subject to twists I haven't foreseen. Otherwise my life would become frightfully dull. Unanticipated events are simultaneously stressful and exciting. I had no idea I would be asked to join the Utah Repertory Theatre's cast of Carousel, but last night I was. We'll see where this road leads. I'm so glad I get to finish off this summer with a show. It's joltingly pleasant to be confronted with personal plot devices that are completely out of the blue. It's good to have plans, but thank goodness for that "roll of the dice" factor.

"There is one thing which gives radiance to everything. It is the idea of something around the corner." -G.K. Chesterton