Crazy Urges

I had my first real audition for a professional company this weekend, and it has left me wanting more. Honestly, I don't think I did that great, but the thrill of being in a room with a multitude of high energy people, doing my best, for the possibility of changing my life and actually getting paid to do something that I love-- well, it's addicting.

It is great to have a steady job. I really, really, really like getting a paycheck every Friday, and being able to buy food. Really. I enjoy having low stress levels. But every day I walk through the door of that call center, I am waiting for that opportunity to come that means I won't have to anymore. I am terrified of looking around and realizing that I am twenty-two and still spending all day on the phone with strangers who don't want to hear that the San Francisco Ritz-Carlton is completely sold out. I know I am young, but that is precisely the point. The time to do things is while you are young. I hate missing opportunities.

Maybe I don't have what it takes, but maybe I do. I know what I do have: a strong work ethic and an intense passion.

If I am completely honest with myself, I want to quit my job, pool my savings, and make a run for whatever professional auditions I can get to. Of course, I'm not going to do that. But I want to. I am at a stage in my life where I have realized that my dreams are not going to come true unless I have a business plan for making them come true, and I am having trouble fitting a 9 to 5 job into that business plan. For the money, certainly. For the time restraints...not so much.

People figure this out, though. They do.

You can't always get what you want....

Or all the things you want, anyway. You just can't do it.

I currently have: a house (not moved in yet), a job (not out of training yet), and several auditions coming up in the next two weeks. I currently do not have: near enough the funds needed to make me feel like I am on a comfortable footing in case of emergency. I do have a paycheck coming in every Friday, but this week's and part of next week's is going to pay my rent. There is the always present gas money. I'm not sure if I'll even have saved enough to attend the University of Utah in the fall (I got accepted!) or if that's what I even want to do. I know where I want to be, I just don't know how to get there. Inspiring Tony winners assure me that they have felt this far away from ever succeeding, but it's difficult to believe. If I can just NAIL this audition....if I get a callback, I will be happy and if I get cast I will be thrilled. C: