Thursday, May 30, 2013

Book Review: Pamela



Pamela is a deeply disturbing book, though you’d never think it to look at it. I picked it up without the faintest idea of what it was about, and found a tale of Stockholm Syndrome, sexual harassment, abuse both physical and emotional, and a horrifying ending that the narrator tries very hard to convince us is happy. This book singlehandedly justifies feminism.

Pamela is the title character-- a sixteen-year-old maid that spends every second striving to be pure, humble, and virtuous. This is not the horrible part. While Pamela doesn’t seem like a lot of fun, she is anxious to please and is agreeable enough. The woman she serves dies, and Pamela is now employed by the Manor’s son, known only as Master or Squire throughout the story. He sees how beautiful Pamela is and wants to have sex with her. He kisses her and fondles her chest, which she rejects in no uncertain terms. Pamela’s virtue is the only thing that she truly prizes, as she has a Puritan attitude towards all worldly possessions and anything that resembles pride or haughtiness.

After the Master is repulsed, Pamela tells the housekeeper, Mrs. Jervis, of his inappropriate advances. Mrs. Jervis agrees that this is wrong, at least, while the Master is not around. When he comes around to talk to Pamela again, I was shocked to recognize the arguments that he uses trying to justify his forcing sexual contact on a girl who doesn’t want it. They are alive and well today, though this book was published in 1740, almost three hundred years ago. “You were asking for it.” “It is my right to have you satisfy me.” “You aren’t going to do better.” At this point in the book he starts referring to her as a slut. Let me remind you: the reason he is angry with her is because she REFUSED to sleep with him. Somehow this makes her a slut. Logic! 

So Master (you have no idea how uncomfortable calling him that makes me) continues to assault her off and on, even though she always tells him no and usually cries or runs away. Then he tells her that she can go home. She is thrilled about this. But the carriage he puts her in actually takes her to his other estate, somewhere else in England. This is what we call being abducted. 

Once he has Pamela prisoner in this new manor, she is guarded constantly by a vicious old woman, kept behind bars, and beaten occasionally. She is required to let the Master read her private diary once he discovers that she keeps one. Oh, and the Master hides her in closet to watch her undress, then tries to rape her. What a classy guy. The only reason he doesn’t rape her is that she faints, and the maid intervenes.
Several escape plans are attempted, but all are foiled. Then, quite out of the blue, the Master gets angry at Pamela when she refuses to marry him (again), puts her in a carriage, and tells the driver to take her home. They go along, Pamela filled with mixed emotions. A rider catches up with them that night, telling them that he has a letter for Pamela. It is from the Master basically begging her to come back because of how much he loves her. 

He uses that word a lot. I don’t think it means what he thinks it means.

By this point in the story, the effects of Stockholm Syndrome are very evident. Pamela thanks the Master for every little thing-- for not beating her, for not raping her, for not doing things that HE SHOULD NOT EVER DO ANYWAY. When he almost drowns, she is concerned. She thinks he’s a great guy, he just can’t control himself sexually. It’s not his fault. He’s a man, and she’s denying him what she wants. She starts referring to herself as a slut and a hussy. And then she gets this letter from him and she goes back. She goes back! Up until this point I had really enjoyed the book. But as soon as Pamela WENT BACK to this predatory, abusive rapist and claimed that she loved him….each page became a struggle to complete.

The Master never asks forgiveness, or even apologizes, in case you were wondering. In fact, by the end of the book Pamela is thanking him for abducting her. And all his sexual advances are dismissed as “naughtiness.” I associate naughtiness with snitching an extra cookie. Pamela apparently considers her body and her rights as trifles, but this comes as no surprise, as she has the lowest self-esteem of any narrator I’ve ever read. She thinks it’s humility, but it isn’t. It’s destructive.

Anyway, the Master and Pamela start making out a lot and then secretly get married. She spends every paragraph talking about how ecstatically happy she is and how grateful she is to God for letting her have this wonderful husband and she will never be worthy. Every page is full of that nonsense. And everyone around her is thrilled too. She gets to be rich! Huzzah! Many people were eager to make sure that she didn’t have premarital sex, but as long as she’s married, it doesn’t matter what kind of man her husband is. Her own father comes to thank the Master, and he’s been reading the whole story in the letters Pamela writes to him! (The whole novel is in letter form.) Let me repeat that: Pamela’s father THANKS the man who kidnapped and sexually assaulted his daughter. Apparently no one was worried about Pamela, they were just worried that she would lose her virginity. As long as there’s a ring on her finger than who the heck cares what he does behind closed doors.
 
Pamela (the book and the character) is OBSESSED with class, staying in place, never stepping out of a place, knowing who is above her and who is below her. It is unnerving to say the least that she is worried about marrying the Master not because he tried to rape her, but because he has a title and she doesn’t. She is grateful to him for stooping low enough to marry her. Grateful! She literally never stops thanking this arrogant scumbag, and thanking God for him. It’s about every other sentence, I’m not even exaggerating.
I cannot begin to tell you how repulsive the views Pamela writes are to me. She continues to call her husband “Master” after they get married, and is still basically his servant with better clothes. Oh, he calls her “dear heart” and “life of my life” and endearments like that all the time, but he orders her around and demands complete obedience and basically is a man of the 18th century. Now that Pamela has given him what he wants (namely, her) he showers her with money and presents and paragraphs of sickening tripe that would be really romantic if it was coming from someone else under other circumstances. He’s just giving lip service to it. She adores him, and it’s easy to dote on someone that sees you seriously only a step below God.

To hear the sexist views of the time from someone living in them is very jarring. It’s revealed that the Master has an illegitimate child from six or seven years ago, and Pamela doesn’t even bat an eye. The girl that he slept with, of course, had to leave the country out of shame. I just can’t get over this, even though times haven’t changed that much. How is it that when TWO people have sex and create a child only ONE of them is guilty? One of them can forget it ever happened, the other gets branded with the scarlet letter. One of them is just acting on his instincts, the other clearly didn’t treasure her virginity enough, so she’ll probably burn in hell. 

This book was truly bizarre. I kept thinking, “This isn’t real. SOMEBODY has to say something like, ‘Pamela, you’re not really in love with this slimy excuse for a human being. You’re sixteen and you’ve never had any kind of social life, because you’ve been a servant. Now you’ve been locked up for five or six months and you have started to mistake lack of cruelty for kindness. Wake up!’” But they didn’t. Everyone was thrilled to pieces at the “happy” ending. I’m still trying to shake the feeling that anyone thinks or ever thought this was okay.

Monday, May 20, 2013

On Endings

If you've asked about my dating life, you've likely heard, "Theatre is my boyfriend." Theatre takes up most of my free time, energy, and love. Each show feels like a relationship. Most of the time this is great. I get to be committed and happy and involved without actually dating anyone, and sometimes it makes it easier to forget that I am very, very single. But every show closes. Every cast dissolves. And each closing night inevitably feels like a breakup. It's not fun.

The cast of Pirates of Penzance have become some of my best friends. The Valley Center Playhouse has become like a second home to me, as the theatres always do. I don't want it to end. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want these "breakup" feelings.

I'm a passionate person and know emotional extremes. When I'm pleased, I'm thrilled. When I love, I adore. And when I miss something, I miss it utterly and intensely. I get so attached to people-- more than normal, I think. Others may say, "I miss you" after a separation, but it's more than that. I think about people all the time that have affected my life and probably not even known it. I miss people that I don't even have a right to miss. Imagine what this means when I'm involved with a tight-knit cast like Pirates. I am going to cry at night because of these people, and that's not an exaggeration.

Caring hurts. It's easy to be happy when I'm around them, but I don't live in Provo or Orem (although I am practically in the same neighborhood as one cast member), and the odds that I will see many of these wonderful people again after our cast party aren't really that great. It breaks my heart.

I'm always glad for the memories that come with a show-- the joy, the feeling of belonging, the way I have something to do with my spare time. The end isn't bittersweet, it's difficult and sad and DO NOT WANT. During the rehearsal process it feels like performances will never come. Then during the ecstasy of performing I pretend that it will never end. If only that were the case.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

A Brief Entry

Some things that have been on my mind lately, summed up in short sentences:

-Lord of the Rings. I want to have an adventure. Gandalf makes me want to cry because he is so sassy and wonderful and mysterious. And Aragorn is perfect.

-Pirates of Penzance. We open in Lindon on Friday. The music is in my head pretty much constantly. Gilbert & Sullivan make me happy.

-Friends. I like having them. It still surprises me that I do.

-My image. I don't want to be seen as a silly girl. I'd rather be three dimensional.

That's about it for the moment.

Monday, March 18, 2013

What I'm Up To

Oh, hey, I'm alive and writing a blog post! Huzzah!

Big has been over for a while now. It was a huge learning experience for me, and I feel good about my performance. It actually made me appreciate being in the ensemble as well, because it is a heck of a lot less stressful! But it was a great time. Currently I'm in Valley Center Playhouse's production of The Pirates of Penzance, which is one of my all-time favorite shows. I grew up watching this movie on roadtrips, and I stand by my belief that it is the funniest show ever written. Pirates + Angela Lansbury + Gilbert and Sullivan = one very happy Rebecca
I'm playing Kate, one of General Stanley's daughters. It's a fun time, I especially love my fellow daughters.

I went to Florida last week with two of my sisters, Bethany and Julia, fulfilling a dream that we've had for years: to go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It was AMAZING. Hogwarts just.....yeah, I'm in love. The employees were all in wizarding outfits (not just Gryffindor, to my delight) and Butterbeer is delicious and it was a wonderful experience. I am a Ravenclaw and proud of it! I stalked handsome men in the two-hour line for Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey (which was a totally awesome rollercoaster that I loved) and only got mildly sunburned. Winning!

We also went to Gatorland, where I saw more alligators then I've seen in my entire life ever okay. It was a little bit frightening....they were cold and didn't move much, but when they did you could tell that "Yeah, this thing could kill me without even thinking about it."

Our bus driver on the shuttle to Universal, Terry, was THE happiest person I've ever met in my entire life, bar none. I am not exaggerating. His enthusiasm never flagged. We sang "Wheels on the Bus" every day, and he honked the horn as we drove down the freeway, probably causing motorists to wonder what this bus's problem was. "B FOR BEST!"

The last thing we did before flying back to Salt Lake was Pirate's Dinner Adventure. I CANNOT SAY HOW AWESOME THIS WAS. If you know me well, you know that I am completely, one-hundred percent, absolutely obsessed with pirates. I have been since I was very young. I don't know where it came from, but it is here to stay. So to eat dinner while pirates participated in singing, sword-fighting, and generally being pirates all around me was another dream come true.

There was a lot of drama trying to get home, and we ended up getting the three of us on two stand-by flights in a row, but we finally got back to Utah. I wouldn't live in Florida, but it sure was nice to visit. I've never traveled that far in my life, and now I'm thinking I should start planning another trip. One of these days it'll be Europe, although probably not for a while.

Harry Potter and pirates are two of my favorite things in the entire world, and my sisters rank even before those. So to combine all of it together into a vacation of legitness was just what I needed. I've been running non-stop since August and I really needed a week of relaxation and no deadlines. C:

Monday, January 21, 2013

Running All the Time

Never in my life have I been so insanely busy. Never.

The Scarlet Pimpernel is still performing at the Empress Theatre in Magna for one more week. So Mondays, Fridays, and Saturdays I'm there from 6-10:30 p.m. Big rehearsals are at the Empress from 6:30-10 p.m. on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays and 9 a.m.- 2 p.m. on Saturdays. I am up for work at 6 a.m. Monday through Friday and often don't get out of the airport until almost 4 p.m. I have to leave my house by quarter after five to pick up my Scarlet Pimpernel friend Chrissy. When I say that I live at the theater, I'm not exaggerating. I'm usually not home before 11, and the only day of the week I see my roommates is Sunday. I have a whole new appreciation for the phrase "day of rest." Thank goodness for one o'clock church!

The Scarlet Pimpernel has been playing to sold out shows and getting great reviews. I don't even want to think about it ending on Saturday. I'm nowhere near ready to say goodbye. I am completely in love with my castmates, this show, the whole experience. Our cast is so cohesive...we've overcome more than one obstacle to make this show succeed, and it has only made us stronger. We are there for each other. I have made so many friends-- I can't believe that these amazingly talented people are okay with hanging out with me and putting up with my weirdness, but I am grateful that they are. All my love.

I will be playing Susan Lawrence in Big: the Musical next month. I've never been a musical lead before. I am excited and terrified and stressed and happy all at the same time. The cast is great, I love the music, and the dancing is fun; now it's time to see if I can get my act together and perform a choreographed solo! I'm glad to have such a supportive director in Becky Walk and a very understanding choreographer in Chalese Craig. They make my stress levels go down.

Being in two shows at once is exhausting in the best possible way. These shows ARE my life right now. I am bone tired and ready to collapse at any given moment, but I'm doing what I'm passionate about. What good is energy if I am not using it every drop of it? I certainly wish that I was getting more sleep, but something's gotta give, and sleep is the first thing to go.

One of the pros about such a frantic schedule is that it forces me to prioritize. If something is not one of the top three or four things on my list, it isn't getting done. I don't have time to waste time! 

In other news-- I greatly enjoyed the new Hobbit movie, although I'm still not sold on the whole making-it-into-a-trilogy thing. The snow we've gotten is much prettier now that the roads are fairly clear. (One night it took me over an hour to get home from Magna, a drive that usually takes around twenty minutes.) I have decided my spirit animal is a sad cow. That's not necessarily a negative thing; I just discovered that I'm really good at making sad cow noises.

Life is confusing and hilarious and tiring and good.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Change of Seasons

“No land with an unvarying climate can be beautiful. The tropics are not, for all the sentiment that is wasted on them. They seem beautiful at first, but sameness impairs the charm by and by. Change is the handmaiden Nature requires to do her miracles with. The land that has four well-defined seasons, cannot lack beauty, or pall with monotony. Each season brings a world of enjoyment and interest in the watching of its unfolding, its gradual, harmonious development, its culminating graces-- and just as one begins to tire of it, it passes away and a radical change comes, with new witcheries and new glories in its train. And I think that to one in sympathy with nature, each season, in its turn, seems the loveliest.” -Mark Twain

Preach, brother.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Life in Lyrics

"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."  -Berthold Auerbach

There are certain lyrics that speak touch my soul. They especially tend to turn up in musicals. Lyrics that I can't forget, because they say something about life that I hadn't put into words. But adding music raises it to a whole new level. I don't know how singing makes everything so perfect, but it does. Here are five examples from five of my favorite musicals. (None from Into the Woods in this post-- it is **impossible** for me to choose just one set of flawless lyrics.) 

Note: Except for Newsies, none of these songs are my favorite from the particular show. I just have to spotlight the lyrics.

(Listed in no particular order)

1. "Getting your dreams, it's strange, but it seems/ A little, well, complicated/ There's a kind of a sort of/ Cost/ There's a couple of things get/ Lost/ There are bridges you cross you didn't know you crossed until you've crossed them."
-"Thank Goodness" from Wicked


 

2. "I want adventure in the great wide somewhere/ I want it more than I can tell/ And for once it might be grand/ To have someone understand/ I want so much more than they've got planned."
-"Belle (Reprise)" from Beauty and the Beast




3. "He was never mine to lose/ Why regret what could not be?/ These are words he'll never say/ Not to me/ Not to me."
-"A Heart Full of Love" from Les Miserables




4. "When I dream/ On my own/ I'm alone/ But I ain't lonely/ For a dreamer night's the only time of day/ When the city's finally sleeping/ And my thoughts begin to stray/ And I'm on the train that's bound for Santa Fe."
-"Santa Fe" from Newsies



5. "Grab up your one golden chance/ Darlings, life is such romance/ Give this world a sweeping glance/ Let it set your soul a-dancing night and day."
-"Vivez" from The Scarlet Pimpernel




I'm definitely going to do another post like this in future.