Belated Comic Con Post (Plus Leslie Odom Jr!)

Hey friends! I meant to get this posted earlier, but it was not to be. Life has been busy with school starting up!

My friend Melinda had a free Thursday pass, so I brought my boyfriend with me to his first ever Comic Con. We went through all of Artist’s Alley because ORIGINAL ART IS SO COOL. I can't get over all the different styles, topics, and mashups. Mashups are my jam. I got really excited when I saw the Pop Culture Cats booth was back, as Jenny Parks has been absent from the last two cons here and I love her. We excited Artist's Alley with a Bioshock poster for me and  Cat! BB-8 poster for me. :) 

Next we wandered about through the endless rows of merchandise. Nerd bazaar. I’m glad we came on Thursday instead of Saturday when everything is crowded beyond all belief. While we didn't go to any panels on Thursday, we made the rounds through the stuff a couple times, although I never feel confident in saying that I've seen everything. Another walk through of Artist's Alley, hen we took trax back to Murray. Taking trax on the way to the convention was entertaining; it was the first day of Utah football and so everyone was either a mass of red or cosplaying. Truly, the ultimate clash of jocks and nerds. On the way back we finally got to sit (I forget how tiring being on your feet for long periods of time is) and were across from an adorable baby who kept being like :0 everytime the train moved. Then we got delicious Jamba Juice. I consider that a success.

Friday:

I was at the con from ten to six, as I had the day off of work. For the first time possibly ever I didn't have a rehearsal or performance on Friday night, so I was free to stay as late as I wished. The first panel I went to was Arthur Darvill. Rory is my second or third favorite Doctor Who companion, and Arthur was delightful. I love how British people say things like, “tax” instead of “taxes” and “rubbish.” He likes running in Utah because once a tumbleweed blew past him. “In London it’s just crisp wrappers.”

After that panel I had several hours to wander. I debated about getting autographs from some of the attending celebrities, but didn’t feel the same giddiness I’ve received from even the thought of meeting people like Carrie Fisher or Tom Felton. Instead I gave myself permission to spend that money on art. I bought eleven pieces from Ben Byrd, whose style is very cute and whimsical. He does Pokemon, Harry Potter, Disney, and assorted nerdom. I also got a Belle as Jedi one and two postcards that say, “Obi-Done Kenobi” with Obi-Wan sipping a margarita wearing sunglasses. I’m kind of obsessed with them.

After my art excursion, I went in to the last half of Henry Winkler’s panel. I’ll admit that I haven’t seen him in anything except Arrested Development, but he was hilarious. Bubbling with energy. The best was when someone asked about how the Fonz would snap his fingers and women would appear. Henry Winkler said, “I’m going to give you a tip. This is just for the men in the audience.” He paused, and then said, “DO NOT SNAP YOUR FINGERS AT WOMEN. It only works on television! If you dare do it in real life, they will break all of your fingers!” I will admit I was a little nervous when he started that answer, but my applause was real and vigorous. 

The next panel was Evanna Lynch. I’m actually in that minority who’s not hugely into Luna as a character (like she's fine, I just don't love her), but I still wanted to see her. Evanna is very Luna in real life, and obsessed with cats. She said that growing up her family had ten cats, which was her idea of heaven. "I think the acting is just to finance my cat habit." 

Later in the panel the cutest little girl asked Evanna, “My name is Ruby. How much cats do you have?” AHHHHHHH THE CUTENESS ALMOST KILLED ME HOW ARE KIDS SO CUTE. Evanna said, “Not enough, Ruby. Not enough.”

Kids cosplaying absolutely slay me—Justin and I saw an Emperor’s New Groove family on Thursday where the little boy was Kuzco and ahhh. I saw many little Captain Americas and Reys; I can’t wait to dress up my kids.

The family that Pikachus together stays together.

After that was the panel for Millie Bobby Brown. If you haven’t watched Stranger Things yet, stop whatever you're doing and go watch Stranger Things. It’s the kind of show you can’t stop watching; it's exactly the right mix of suspense, humor, and heartwarming. What was rather unusual for me is that I   very much enjoyed the performances of all the child actors. I'm not always a huge fan of child actors. There are four main kids (well, five, but one of them is on camera a lot less than the others), and they’re all very talented. Millie Bobby Brown as Eleven was especially powerful. Without giving any spoilers, her character is very intense and serious and I want her to be happy.

Millie Bobby Brown is a twelve year old girl from the UK who differs from her character by being bubbly and talkative and happy. It’s odd to see someone so young in the spotlight. I’ll be interested to see what projects she does next, and if she continues to have the same open persona she does now. She has the same reaction to adorable children as I do, which is to completely melt. One man told her she was “Meryl Streep good”, and then sat at the end of my row taking notes on everything she said. Facing that level of scrutiny from twelve—I just can't imagine it.

The next panel was my most anticipated of every convention: Twisted Toonz. Iconic voice actors reading a parody movie script as different characters is honestly one of the funniest things I have ever seen. One of the things I love about the Twisted Toonz guys is how much they LOVE Salt Lake City. They consistently tell us that we have the best convention in the world, and that they always look forward to coming to Salt Lake City to party with us. This year they read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Jess Harnell is the rock star of the bunch, and one of these days I am going to go talk to him at his table. Troy Baker was new to the panel this year; he was hilarious. We had a couple guest stars show up, and Troy was passive-aggressively like, “No, take my seat, it’s fine.” Favorite impressions this year: Johnny Depp, Ronald Reagan, Snoop Dog, and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

After I walked out of the ballroom from Twisted Toonz I was in the convention hall for maybe two minutes when I realized I had forgotten my bag of art under my chair in the ballroom. I freaked out and immediately wormed my way back in by pushing my way against the crowd and was gratified to find my bag undisturbed. I picked up one more piece of art before leaving for the day. It was a long, full day and I loved it.

Jon Snow seeks to take his rightful place on the Iron Throne.

Saturday:

I woke up feeling exhausted. Conventions really take it out of me! I didn’t go in till about noon. With all my shopping completed (not for lack of want, but I need some money left over to live life with) I was content to wander around taking in the sights for another year. I saw so many great cosplayers: tumblr, Charizard, missionary Deadpool. (So many different Deadpools-- my favorite was Pirate Deadpool.)

I stopped in at the Hillywood show panel, although I’m more of a fan of their older stuff. The Harry Potter parody is hilarious and I still sing the Hunger Games one. It was fun to see them interact with their fans; they are tiny and good. Also Osric Chan from Supernatural showed up so that was cool.

I went to Ian Somerhalder’s panel mostly to get a rest, but became intrigued when what was scheduled to be a fifty minute panel was half an hour overdue. The host was trying to stall the crowd, and I wondered what the outcome would be. Would it come to the end of the appointed hour and Chris (the host) would just go, “Well, I guess he’s not coming, ummm sorry bye”? The hall was full of thousands of people, and I doubted all of them were as ambivalent to Ian as I was.

Apparently he had been overbooked for photos, and was still taking them with fans, but was on his way. They ended up shuffling the panels around so that he could be there for the full hour. Crisis averted, no mob justice was enacted.

He was an interesting guy; anti-violence to the point he feels slightly guilty for putting Vampire Diaries into the world, as it is extremely violent. A twelve-year-old boy asked him a question about whether he enjoyed playing good guys or bad guys more, and he gesticulated about the morals of today’s society before asking the kid if he was jaded to violence yet. I’m not one of his fans in regards to his film work, but he seems like the kind of person you want to sit down and have a conversation over dinner with.

One last lap around the convention hall, and then it was goodbye to Salt Lake Comic Con for another year. I was sad to miss the cosplay contest that ends off the con every year, but it was for a very worthy cause: LESLIE ODOM JR’S CONCERT IN PROVO

In case you’ve somehow missed my raving about it, I’m obsessed with the musical Hamilton. Leslie played Aaron Burr opposite Lin-Manuel Miranda as the title character. Among the eleven Tonys awarded to Hamilton, one had Leslie’s name on it for Best Actor. He is an incredible talent and I can’t believe that he came to Utah!

Last time I attended a concert at BYU it was 2011 when I came to see Brian Stokes Mitchell at the Marriott Center. The concert was incredible, but it took me two hours to find the right parking lot afterwards. This concert was in the Harris Fine Arts Center, which is much smaller, and spoiler alert: I found my car afterward.

That being said, the concert was INCREDIBLE. Leslie walked out onstage and all of us just lost it. He’s a beautiful human with a voice like melted chocolate over velvet and I never wanted him to stop singing. His band is incredibly talented as well—he sang several songs from his new jazz album and MMMMMMMMMMm. Then he said, “I was in a show called Hamilton” and it was like a wall of sound. We were all screaming. It was exactly like being at Comic Con. Hamil-Con, as my friend who was also there dubbed it. Leslie teased us by singing another jazz song (don’t get me wrong, it was drop dead gorgeous but he knew what we wanted). Then he said, “All right, so Hamilton.”

I never thought I would get to hear Leslie Odom Jr sing “Wait For It” or “Room Where It Happened” live, but I am happily wrong. I honestly wanted to clap until my hands fell off. HE WAS SO GOOD. He was so charming and smooth and TALENTED. While the pianist (who was incredible) was doing his jazz scat intermission things Leslie would turn to watch him and completely give him his attention. I loved him.

He also sang, “Dear Theodosia” and I almost cried. He told us how Lin offered him the part of Aaron Burr in an email with the subject line “Octo-Burr Fest.” Lin no you were supposed to be above these silly puns. After he finished “Wait For It” someone yelled, “Sing it again!” and the pianist started the introduction. Regrettably he didn’t sing it again, but it was such a wonderful, exhilarating experience.

He also said wise things. My favorite Leslie Odom Jr quotes:

“Singing is an oral tradition. It’s passed down from singer to singer.”

“Everything ends. You feel it in you when it’s time to let something go, even if people around you think there’s a little more left in the race.”

“Artists spend their whole lives trying to get back to the feeling of the first show that opened their hearts.”  --- This one is so true. For him it’s Rent, for me it was Into the Woods.

“When I first heard the music of Hamilton, something within me was rearranged.”

“No one likes ‘Cheer Up, Charlie’ because after Charlie leaves the mom just kind of sings it to the laundry. ‘Sit here, I’m going to sing you a song!’” (Okay, maybe that one's not quite as wise, but I love it anyway.) 

He sang, “Without You” from Rent and it was positively exquisite. Then he sang a couple more songs from the album and said goodnight. We gave him a standing ovation even before he finished the show. He was so good, and we needed to show him appreciation. He sang an acapella encore, and then said he would be in the lobby to say hello to people.

There was no way that I wasn’t going to wait in line for as long as they would let me. The line snaked around the lobby and initially moved at a snail’s pace. I was so afraid. The ushers told us the cutoff point was ten thirty, an hour and a half away. What if I didn’t make it? I was determined to wait until ten thirty and hope to goodness I was lucky. Eventually the ushers informed us Leslie would only be signing cds, but still taking pictures with people, and that sped things up considerably.

I couldn’t believe I might have the chance to have my picture taken with TONY AWARD WINNER LESLIE ODOM JR. The original Aaron Burr. A person who used to hang out with Lin-Manuel Miranda eight times a week. What. As I rounded the final corner towards him, there were fifteen minutes left on the countdown. It was going to be close. But as we edged closer, it became clear that I WAS GOING TO MEET HIM.

I shakily handed my phone and purse to an usher, who would take the picture. Leslie GAVE ME A HUG and then put his arm around me for the picture. I thanked him for coming to Utah and he said, “Hey, thanks for coming out.” I love him. There are now three pictures on my phone of me with Leslie Odom Jr, and I shook all the way home I was so excited.

It was the most beautiful way to end a day, a week, or a convention. That concert was honestly transcendent. His riffs speak to my heart. So I guess you could say September started out pretty okay. ;) 

I know that feel, Cinderella.

Belated Comic Con Post (Plus Leslie Odom Jr!)

Hey friends! I meant to get this posted earlier, but it was not to be. Life has been busy with school starting up!

My friend Melinda had a free Thursday pass, so I brought my boyfriend with me to his first ever Comic Con. We went through all of Artist’s Alley because ORIGINAL ART IS SO COOL. I can't get over all the different styles, topics, and mashups. Mashups are my jam. I got really excited when I saw the Pop Culture Cats booth was back, as Jenny Parks has been absent from the last two cons here and I love her. We excited Artist's Alley with a Bioshock poster for me and  Cat! BB-8 poster for me. :) 

Next we wandered about through the endless rows of merchandise. Nerd bazaar. I’m glad we came on Thursday instead of Saturday when everything is crowded beyond all belief. While we didn't go to any panels on Thursday, we made the rounds through the stuff a couple times, although I never feel confident in saying that I've seen everything. Another walk through of Artist's Alley, hen we took trax back to Murray. Taking trax on the way to the convention was entertaining; it was the first day of Utah football and so everyone was either a mass of red or cosplaying. Truly, the ultimate clash of jocks and nerds. On the way back we finally got to sit (I forget how tiring being on your feet for long periods of time is) and were across from an adorable baby who kept being like :0 everytime the train moved. Then we got delicious Jamba Juice. I consider that a success.

Friday:

I was at the con from ten to six, as I had the day off of work. For the first time possibly ever I didn't have a rehearsal or performance on Friday night, so I was free to stay as late as I wished. The first panel I went to was Arthur Darvill. Rory is my second or third favorite Doctor Who companion, and Arthur was delightful. I love how British people say things like, “tax” instead of “taxes” and “rubbish.” He likes running in Utah because once a tumbleweed blew past him. “In London it’s just crisp wrappers.”

After that panel I had several hours to wander. I debated about getting autographs from some of the attending celebrities, but didn’t feel the same giddiness I’ve received from even the thought of meeting people like Carrie Fisher or Tom Felton. Instead I gave myself permission to spend that money on art. I bought eleven pieces from Ben Byrd, whose style is very cute and whimsical. He does Pokemon, Harry Potter, Disney, and assorted nerdom. I also got a Belle as Jedi one and two postcards that say, “Obi-Done Kenobi” with Obi-Wan sipping a margarita wearing sunglasses. I’m kind of obsessed with them.

After my art excursion, I went in to the last half of Henry Winkler’s panel. I’ll admit that I haven’t seen him in anything except Arrested Development, but he was hilarious. Bubbling with energy. The best was when someone asked about how the Fonz would snap his fingers and women would appear. Henry Winkler said, “I’m going to give you a tip. This is just for the men in the audience.” He paused, and then said, “DO NOT SNAP YOUR FINGERS AT WOMEN. It only works on television! If you dare do it in real life, they will break all of your fingers!” I will admit I was a little nervous when he started that answer, but my applause was real and vigorous. 

The next panel was Evanna Lynch. I’m actually in that minority who’s not hugely into Luna as a character (like she's fine, I just don't love her), but I still wanted to see her. Evanna is very Luna in real life, and obsessed with cats. She said that growing up her family had ten cats, which was her idea of heaven. "I think the acting is just to finance my cat habit." 

Later in the panel the cutest little girl asked Evanna, “My name is Ruby. How much cats do you have?” AHHHHHHH THE CUTENESS ALMOST KILLED ME HOW ARE KIDS SO CUTE. Evanna said, “Not enough, Ruby. Not enough.”

Kids cosplaying absolutely slay me—Justin and I saw an Emperor’s New Groove family on Thursday where the little boy was Kuzco and ahhh. I saw many little Captain Americas and Reys; I can’t wait to dress up my kids.

The family that Pikachus together stays together.

After that was the panel for Millie Bobby Brown. If you haven’t watched Stranger Things yet, stop whatever you're doing and go watch Stranger Things. It’s the kind of show you can’t stop watching; it's exactly the right mix of suspense, humor, and heartwarming. What was rather unusual for me is that I   very much enjoyed the performances of all the child actors. I'm not always a huge fan of child actors. There are four main kids (well, five, but one of them is on camera a lot less than the others), and they’re all very talented. Millie Bobby Brown as Eleven was especially powerful. Without giving any spoilers, her character is very intense and serious and I want her to be happy.

Millie Bobby Brown is a twelve year old girl from the UK who differs from her character by being bubbly and talkative and happy. It’s odd to see someone so young in the spotlight. I’ll be interested to see what projects she does next, and if she continues to have the same open persona she does now. She has the same reaction to adorable children as I do, which is to completely melt. One man told her she was “Meryl Streep good”, and then sat at the end of my row taking notes on everything she said. Facing that level of scrutiny from twelve—I just can't imagine it.

The next panel was my most anticipated of every convention: Twisted Toonz. Iconic voice actors reading a parody movie script as different characters is honestly one of the funniest things I have ever seen. One of the things I love about the Twisted Toonz guys is how much they LOVE Salt Lake City. They consistently tell us that we have the best convention in the world, and that they always look forward to coming to Salt Lake City to party with us. This year they read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Jess Harnell is the rock star of the bunch, and one of these days I am going to go talk to him at his table. Troy Baker was new to the panel this year; he was hilarious. We had a couple guest stars show up, and Troy was passive-aggressively like, “No, take my seat, it’s fine.” Favorite impressions this year: Johnny Depp, Ronald Reagan, Snoop Dog, and Obi-Wan Kenobi.

After I walked out of the ballroom from Twisted Toonz I was in the convention hall for maybe two minutes when I realized I had forgotten my bag of art under my chair in the ballroom. I freaked out and immediately wormed my way back in by pushing my way against the crowd and was gratified to find my bag undisturbed. I picked up one more piece of art before leaving for the day. It was a long, full day and I loved it.

Jon Snow seeks to take his rightful place on the Iron Throne.

Saturday:

I woke up feeling exhausted. Conventions really take it out of me! I didn’t go in till about noon. With all my shopping completed (not for lack of want, but I need some money left over to live life with) I was content to wander around taking in the sights for another year. I saw so many great cosplayers: tumblr, Charizard, missionary Deadpool. (So many different Deadpools-- my favorite was Pirate Deadpool.)

I stopped in at the Hillywood show panel, although I’m more of a fan of their older stuff. The Harry Potter parody is hilarious and I still sing the Hunger Games one. It was fun to see them interact with their fans; they are tiny and good. Also Osric Chan from Supernatural showed up so that was cool.

I went to Ian Somerhalder’s panel mostly to get a rest, but became intrigued when what was scheduled to be a fifty minute panel was half an hour overdue. The host was trying to stall the crowd, and I wondered what the outcome would be. Would it come to the end of the appointed hour and Chris (the host) would just go, “Well, I guess he’s not coming, ummm sorry bye”? The hall was full of thousands of people, and I doubted all of them were as ambivalent to Ian as I was.

Apparently he had been overbooked for photos, and was still taking them with fans, but was on his way. They ended up shuffling the panels around so that he could be there for the full hour. Crisis averted, no mob justice was enacted.

He was an interesting guy; anti-violence to the point he feels slightly guilty for putting Vampire Diaries into the world, as it is extremely violent. A twelve-year-old boy asked him a question about whether he enjoyed playing good guys or bad guys more, and he gesticulated about the morals of today’s society before asking the kid if he was jaded to violence yet. I’m not one of his fans in regards to his film work, but he seems like the kind of person you want to sit down and have a conversation over dinner with.

One last lap around the convention hall, and then it was goodbye to Salt Lake Comic Con for another year. I was sad to miss the cosplay contest that ends off the con every year, but it was for a very worthy cause: LESLIE ODOM JR’S CONCERT IN PROVO

In case you’ve somehow missed my raving about it, I’m obsessed with the musical Hamilton. Leslie played Aaron Burr opposite Lin-Manuel Miranda as the title character. Among the eleven Tonys awarded to Hamilton, one had Leslie’s name on it for Best Actor. He is an incredible talent and I can’t believe that he came to Utah!

Last time I attended a concert at BYU it was 2011 when I came to see Brian Stokes Mitchell at the Marriott Center. The concert was incredible, but it took me two hours to find the right parking lot afterwards. This concert was in the Harris Fine Arts Center, which is much smaller, and spoiler alert: I found my car afterward.

That being said, the concert was INCREDIBLE. Leslie walked out onstage and all of us just lost it. He’s a beautiful human with a voice like melted chocolate over velvet and I never wanted him to stop singing. His band is incredibly talented as well—he sang several songs from his new jazz album and MMMMMMMMMMm. Then he said, “I was in a show called Hamilton” and it was like a wall of sound. We were all screaming. It was exactly like being at Comic Con. Hamil-Con, as my friend who was also there dubbed it. Leslie teased us by singing another jazz song (don’t get me wrong, it was drop dead gorgeous but he knew what we wanted). Then he said, “All right, so Hamilton.”

I never thought I would get to hear Leslie Odom Jr sing “Wait For It” or “Room Where It Happened” live, but I am happily wrong. I honestly wanted to clap until my hands fell off. HE WAS SO GOOD. He was so charming and smooth and TALENTED. While the pianist (who was incredible) was doing his jazz scat intermission things Leslie would turn to watch him and completely give him his attention. I loved him.

He also sang, “Dear Theodosia” and I almost cried. He told us how Lin offered him the part of Aaron Burr in an email with the subject line “Octo-Burr Fest.” Lin no you were supposed to be above these silly puns. After he finished “Wait For It” someone yelled, “Sing it again!” and the pianist started the introduction. Regrettably he didn’t sing it again, but it was such a wonderful, exhilarating experience.

He also said wise things. My favorite Leslie Odom Jr quotes:

“Singing is an oral tradition. It’s passed down from singer to singer.”

“Everything ends. You feel it in you when it’s time to let something go, even if people around you think there’s a little more left in the race.”

“Artists spend their whole lives trying to get back to the feeling of the first show that opened their hearts.”  --- This one is so true. For him it’s Rent, for me it was Into the Woods.

“When I first heard the music of Hamilton, something within me was rearranged.”

“No one likes ‘Cheer Up, Charlie’ because after Charlie leaves the mom just kind of sings it to the laundry. ‘Sit here, I’m going to sing you a song!’” (Okay, maybe that one's not quite as wise, but I love it anyway.) 

He sang, “Without You” from Rent and it was positively exquisite. Then he sang a couple more songs from the album and said goodnight. We gave him a standing ovation even before he finished the show. He was so good, and we needed to show him appreciation. He sang an acapella encore, and then said he would be in the lobby to say hello to people.

There was no way that I wasn’t going to wait in line for as long as they would let me. The line snaked around the lobby and initially moved at a snail’s pace. I was so afraid. The ushers told us the cutoff point was ten thirty, an hour and a half away. What if I didn’t make it? I was determined to wait until ten thirty and hope to goodness I was lucky. Eventually the ushers informed us Leslie would only be signing cds, but still taking pictures with people, and that sped things up considerably.

I couldn’t believe I might have the chance to have my picture taken with TONY AWARD WINNER LESLIE ODOM JR. The original Aaron Burr. A person who used to hang out with Lin-Manuel Miranda eight times a week. What. As I rounded the final corner towards him, there were fifteen minutes left on the countdown. It was going to be close. But as we edged closer, it became clear that I WAS GOING TO MEET HIM.

I shakily handed my phone and purse to an usher, who would take the picture. Leslie GAVE ME A HUG and then put his arm around me for the picture. I thanked him for coming to Utah and he said, “Hey, thanks for coming out.” I love him. There are now three pictures on my phone of me with Leslie Odom Jr, and I shook all the way home I was so excited.

It was the most beautiful way to end a day, a week, or a convention. That concert was honestly transcendent. His riffs speak to my heart. So I guess you could say September started out pretty okay. ;) 

I know that feel, Cinderella.

Things Are Good :)

Friends. It is I, Rebecca, the long lost author of this blog. My last entry was in April, when I wrote about one of my deeply rooted insecurities. It did me a lot of good to put that out into the world. And then I stopped writing because things started going really well.

Turns out it's a lot more difficult to blog when you're happy. Tolstoy once wrote that all happy families are the same, while each unhappy family is different in their own way. Happiness has made me feel that I don't have much to say except, "Things are good. Really good. Better than they've been in a long time."

This summer has been head and shoulders above my last couple of summers. I've started dating my best friend, and I would highly recommend it. Relationships should make you feel better about yourself???? Plus he took me up to Snowbird and I got to ride a chairlift down a mountain and swim in a heated pool; I guess you could say that things are going very well. 

One of my main goals for the summer was to perform in a musical. With being back in school, summer is the only time I get to indulge that passion, so I was anxious not to "waste" my summer show. I was cast in Once Upon a Mattress at my home away from home, the Empress Theatre out in Magna. It was a party; that cast was my jam. Driving home from the theatre at night, windows down, radio blasting, knowing that I performed my best that night is one of my favorite feelings in the world. There is nothing like the rush of being in front of an audience again.

I was also involved with a staged concert version of Gilbert and Sullivan's HMS Pinafore. What a blast. Gilbert and Sullivan are life. It was good to get another musical fix before I have to go back to school at the end of this month. 

I've been reading some incredible books lately. To throw out a few recommendations:

-The Swerve by Stephen Greenblatt for non-fiction-- discusses the writing and rediscovery of Lucretius' ancient poem "On the Nature of Things." I unexpectedly loved it.

-Room by Emma Donoghue for adult fiction-- HOLY FREAK THIS BOOK IS INTENSE. Incredibly well written, narrated from the point of view of a five year old boy who has never been outside the room where his mother has been held prisoner for the last seven years. Emotional and honest; most likely going to be on my top ten list this year.

-A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf (essay)-- This has been on my list for years, and I'm glad I got around to it. What I love about Woolf is that even though you can tell she is writing from a place of frustration, she injects wry humor into it.


Other miscellaneous things about life:
I got my hair cut. Finally.
I sent my sister Julia off on her mission to St George.
I'm supporting Hillary Clinton in the presidential election. (I'll vote for a third party candidate when one of the main ones isn't the embodiment of evil.)
My littlest brother, Aaron Grant, was born. He's the calmest, cutest baby.

Things aren't perfect, but they are very good.

Funny Girl

This post is oversharing and too personal and I'm sorry, but I had to write it.

----------------------------------------------------

As a child, it was vitally important to me that I was perceived as smart. I measured my self-worth by how fast I do finish multiplication flashcards, how high I was on the reading rainbow, and the grades on my report card. These were concrete measurements that told me how good I was doing. Concrete measurements were easier than trying to figure out where I stood with people.

This obsession with presenting myself as the smartest person in the room extended through high school. I defined myself by being a bookworm, a nerd, a teacher's pet. My favorite feeling was being the first one done with the test, and knowing I didn't have to double check my answers. This cloud of pseudo intellectualism followed me until college. I moved to Nebraska, and suddenly everything was extremely, intensely different.

College was.......not like home. Aggressively not like home. I mean, my parents fast forward through the swearing in Back to the Future. I basically moved from a G rated movie into a college dorm where I was confronted with French kissing, Jagermeister, and professors who swore in class. It was a brave new world, and my survival skills had never been more necessary. I was eighteen, and no longer the smartest person in the room, let alone the building. I didn't know the slang, I didn't know the rules, and I didn't know my place. I needed a new label for myself, because what do humans love more than labels?

That was the year I learned that no one can laugh at you if you beat them to the punch. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at your classes. Laugh at the world. Most importantly, get other people to laugh with you. I started saying awkward, weird things, because then my impression of a fish out of water could be passed off as a punchline, a running joke. Say something weird. Gauge reaction. Did they laugh? Say things similar to that in the near future. Repeat.

Fast forward to the present day. I've recently (in the last six months) realized that,  in my mind, being perceived as funny has become The Most Important Thing. I'm not sure when this happened; it wasn't the case a year ago. A year ago I liked being funny, I tried to be funny, but I didn't come home feeling like a failure if I got fewer laughs than the day before. But now it seems my obsession with being funny has surpassed my childhood obsession with being smart.

Articulating why this is a problem is difficult. I love making people laugh! It is the best feeling in the world! But I'm troubled by the fact that being "the funny one" has become crucial to how I identify and value myself. There's a scene in a Doctor Who episode where the Doctor admits that he can't always save everyone. Amy, one of his companions, lashes out, "Then what is the point of you?"

I secretly feel like if I stop being funny, my friends will ask, "Rebecca, if you're not making me laugh, what is the point of you?" This is not the fault of my friends. My friends are awesome and supportive and have never once implied, "You are worthless if you're not funny." But the fear is real. Making people laugh has become a compulsion. I say funny things when I'm happy, but I think I'm funnier when I feel like collapsing on the floor in tears. If you're making people laugh, they don't see how broken you are. Everyone knows that. 

(Side paragraph: There's a film called Misery Loves Comedy that asks a whole slew of comedians, "Do you have to be miserable to be funny?" I highly recommend it.)

My friend Jan Hunsaker wrote an amazing blog post about humor and body image issues, which you can read here. The quote that resonated with me, that I have been trying to put into words for six months, is this:

"When you are trying to fit in, you also overcompensate by being funny all the time...... Eventually you get tired of trying to be the funny person. If you are quiet at all someone will instantly ask “Are you okay? On NO! Her funny stopped! She’s broken! Someone put another quarter in her quick! We don’t want to hang around her if she’s not going to fulfill her duties as the comic relief.” That was my fear: That I was only useful if I made people laugh, and on my "off" days...well, I tried hard not to have an off day."

In the last year I've been fighting The Return of Anxiety (This Time It's Personal), which goes hand in hand with plummeting self-esteem. (Just when you think it can't get lower....) It's been a tough semester following a tough year. I've watched my sense of humor become darker, and more self-deprecating, because I am my easiest target. ("Let's say mean things about myself so no one else says them. Oh, good, they're laughing, I knew it was true.") I've come to depend on humor as a survival mechanism. Am I trying too hard? Of course. But that's the new normal that I've set for myself. Humor is a deflection, a shield, a distraction.

To be clear: most of the time I am funny because I want to be. But sometimes the humor feels like an autopilot mode that I didn't mean to kick on but whoops here we go time to give massive overreactions to everything because that's what the people want! Suddenly I'm yelling about how Nicolas Cage can fight me, and how strawberries are THE WORST THING EVER, and oh, goodie, now I'm singing everything too. I'm sure I won't cry in the car later because I didn't talk about how I was actually feeling. Haha.

What  am I trying to say? I'm think addicted to being funny. I NEED people to laugh at me. The rush you get when someone laughs at what you say is FANTASTIC. It's like performing a self-written script for a very specific audience and CRUSHING IT. Making people laugh is one of my favorite things in life, so I try to do it a lot.

Which is not to say I don't do serious conversations. If you come to me with your issues, I will not joke about them. I'll say this for me: I am a good and empathetic friend. On the other hand, if I try to talk about my problems, I will do everything in my power to play it off as ridiculous. It's who I am, it's what I do. "Ha! How am I? Oh, you know. I'm ruining my life! CLASSIC REBECCA." Cue the laugh track.  I mean, I run a #DatingFailFriday facebook. (*Chandler voice*) Could I BE any more obsessed with passing my deeply rooted insecurities off as jokes? 

I once told a guy I was dating that I didn't always feel like being funny. He told me, "No, you ARE funny!" He meant to reassure me that I was entertaining. Don't you think I know that? Like the man in black, "I've worked hard to be come so."  I wasn't asking him to tell me that I was good at comedy. I was asking him to tell me that I didn't need to be all the time, that I had other talents, that my sense of humor wasn't the only valuable thing about me. Receiving that response-- "No, you ARE funny"-- put me off talking about this, because it's not positive, and it's not attractive, and it's not, well, funny. But it has been bothering me for so long that I feel I have to get it down on paper.

Sometimes I go to social events and the whole time I'm thinking "be funny be funny be funny Rebecca you have to be funny RIGHT NOW," and I put up the facade and I get laughs. That's something I can say for myself: I'm pretty hilarious to hang around. A walking quote book. If I'm not funny, what's the point of me? 

One of my favorite songs is "The Wrong Direction" by Passenger. Some lyrics: "I love to feel love/ But I can't stand the rejection/ I hide behind my jokes as a form of protection/ I thought I was closer but under further inspection/ It seems I've been running in the wrong direction."

The fact that people think I'm hilarious is wonderful; I don't want that to stop. What I want to stop is the sickening panic when my soul says, "I don't feel like being The Funny One today" and my brain responds, "TOO BAD. YOU HAVE TO. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM LAUGH OR THEY'LL HATE YOU." This scares me to talk about, because it has become such a huge part of my identity. Being funny is one of my talents. What if that's the only reason I have friends?

I've created an image for myself, and I don't want the image to take over. My cruise control is to provide a stream of constant snark. It's harder when I'm quiet. ("be funny be funny be funny") At a party the other day someone said, "If there's a more awkward way for things to be done, Rebecca will find it." Everyone laughed, and I was taken off guard; my comeback wasn't ready. Honestly, I didn't think I was being awkward right then. I felt like they weren't seeing me, they were seeing Funny Rebecca, who always turns her awkwardness into a punchline.

I'm always going to consider myself a comedy person. But I'm hopefully going to get to the point where I'm funny because I want to be, and I don't feel like my friends have been tricked into liking me. I know that's the anxiety talking, and I don't like what it has to say. One of these days I'm going to figure out how to shut it up. For now, I'm going to work on being more emotionally honest, which probably means that some days talking to me won't be like listening to a comedic monologue. I hope that's okay.

ALL RIGHT. That's enough personal disclosure. I'm not even sure what the point of this post was. Please keep laughing at my jokes. But if I'm not funny that day, please don't leave. That can't be the only point of me.

Rebecca Blogs Fan X - Day Three

The blog for the final day of a convention is always my least favorite to write. Because it’s over. And when you walk out of the hall, you see all the vendors packing up their wares, and suddenly there’s no need for you to keep on your wristband, and tomorrow doesn’t include any opportunities for a Kylo Ren cosplayer to exclaim, “I like your shirt!” (which features the emo Sith’s face). But just because the aftermath is melancholy (Melancholy Aftermath is a good name for a band) doesn’t mean the day wasn’t a blast.

Last September’s Saturday (another band name) started with a line that stretched all the way around the huge city block the Salt Palace lives on. I was apprehensively anticipating this again, but I was able to walk right in. Score. I sat in on the last ten minutes of Alex Kingston’s panel; I don’t like her character but I like her. Describing how she never played Juliet: “I would’ve said, “To hell with this; I’m moving on!”

Jason Isaacs was up next; I’m a big fan of his. He was fantastic as Captain Hook and Lucius Malfoy. (I’ve always said that though the writing of those movies was abysmal, the casting was spot on.) Did you know that he initially auditioned for the role of Gilderoy Lockhart? Neither did I.

Jason started his panel by standing dead still for a couple minutes so we could all get bored of him and stop taking pictures. It must be so bizarre to look into a crowd, gathered to see you, and be constantly greeted by “the little flashes of auto focus.” While I’ll admitted I could’ve done with better pictures, I think it’s important to respect a celebrity’s requests when they’ve been kind enough to come and talk to us all.

Jason was a funny man, who told us all the questions he’s constantly asked, and imitated them in a teenage boy American accent. “Man……what was it like working with Daniel Radcliffe?”

Highlights:

“Who is showing The Patriot to their history classes?? Harry Potter is more historically accurate.”

“Richard Harris takes no prisoners.”

“No one in the world played menacing better than Alan [Rickman].”

“I could say anything at all and you would cheer. I don’t like cucumbers.” [crowd cheers] “Everyone in the world should have this as therapy.”

He was insulted when they asked him to read for Lucius instead of Gilderoy, and imitated himself on the phone with his agent doing this outraged hissing noise; I was dying. Then, in the middle of an outraged hiss, they asked if he was ready to read again and he went, “Yes, of course. Fabulous.” (I LOVE HIS ACCENT.)

The best story was how he created Lucius Malfoy’s style. Originally they had him with short hair and a banker’s suit. Jason kept saying, “He’s a WIZARD” and adding things like a long wig, a wand cane, and old aristocratic clothes. Chris Columbus, the director of Chamber of Secrets, said, “The toy guys are going to love you.”

Jason ended his panel by saying, “I’m just a guy who dresses up and does silly voices for a living. But there’s an Avenger waiting in the wings……”

The Avenger in question was Jeremy Renner, aka Hawkeye, aka my second favorite Avenger. But I was unable to stay for his panel, as the bridal shower of a dear friend called me away. Emily, this proves that I love you more than Jeremy Renner.

Tied quilts, then back to the con. A priority on my list is the Twisted Toonz panel, where voice actors from cartoons such as Animaniacs, Spongebob, Adventure Time, Disney, Scooby Doo, and MANY others come together to read a script as their characters. It is sidesplittingly funny. Also, I love the love that the panelists have for Salt Lake City. Jess Harnell (who has rock star hair, and is neighbor's with William Shatner, who thinks he is Gene Simmons from KISS) started off with, “I want to say publicly that Salt Lake Comic Con is the best Comic Con IN THE WORLD!!!!!” [explosion of cheering from audience] “People ask me, ‘Aren’t you worried that someone will put that on YouTube and the other cons will see?’ I say, ‘Screw it, it’s true.’” <3 Jess <3

The movie this year was The Force Awakens. Some of you know that I might have a slight fondness for this film. You haven’t experienced this film until you’ve heard Kylo Ren’s lines delivered as Tweety Bird, with Goofy as Supreme Leader Snoke, and Bill Clinton as Han Solo. (One panelist kept impersonating Donald Trump for us, and he had Drumpf’s waffling, sleazy style of speech down to an art.)

A couple of scenes in, who should appear onstage but Jason Isaacs! The panel was as surprised as the rest of us. He came on and wanted to read a scene. Umm, to quote the host, “Jason Isaacs, you can do whatever you want.” So he read a scene as Finn with Ian Mckellen/Sean Connery’s voice, and it was glorious. So random, so great.

Jess did his crowd favorite Christopher Walken voice, Grey DeLisle did Judy Garland, and we heard from Arnold Schwarzenegger, Goofy, Pluto, Yogi Bear, and so many others……I love this panel. It's a must for any fans of voice acting.

After Twisted Toonz I walked around the vendor floor some more and spent my last remaining souvenir pennies. I spent time walking around the floor every day, and I still found booths I hadn’t seen before yesterday. Infinite variety, thy name is Comic Con. One of these years I want to have my caricature done.

Actual Disney princess Kylo Ren

By six I was ready for a break, and retreated to the ballroom to await the cosplay contest at seven. I have never seen that room so empty or had a seat so close to the stage. Chris Provost (the host who basks in the hatred he gets for his lamentable jokes) came out and told the twenty or so of us who were there that we were diehards. You know it, Chris.

The cosplay contest always makes me tear up because it’s the end of the convention and the crowd is so happy and these people have worked so hard to create a tribute to something they love. I don’t know, I find it both beautiful and tender. Thank goodness they didn’t have a children’s competition this year or I would’ve been a puddle on the floor. Next time I’m going to try and bring someone with me….. I love Comic Con by myself, but it would be fun to have someone to experience everything with.

Anyway, the contest was great. My favorite was either a gender bent Jareth (did she crush it or what?), Captain Hook, a group of Avatar: the Last Airbender cosplayers, or the terrifying Blade Queen.

Actually, I take it back. Those guys were all awesome, but if you want to know my actual favorite I have only three words for you:

Assassin’s

Creed

Elsa

YASSSS GURL YASSSSS

Favorite. And she won a prize at the end sooooo. Jareth also won, and she’s donating the prize money to charity. Man, I love the people at Comic Con. I love them.

I walked back to the parking garage with a bag full of swag and the glow that comes from belonging somewhere. While I'm glad the convention is only three days (I was so tired I slept till 10:30 today), I'm always looking forward to the next one. And so with that I bid adieu to the Salt Palace for another six months. Where else would I almost get hit in the face by a Harry Potter cosplayer carrying a sword? (True story.) As always, the pleasure has been all mine.