Rebecca Looks Back at 2015

“And so this is Christmas/ And what have you done?/ Another year over/ Another just begun….”

A few years ago I read American Emperor, a biography of Aaron Burr. This was well after I knew that I didn’t like Alexander Hamilton but well before I knew that the musical Hamilton was going to consume my life. From that book:

“Now, how much wiser or better are we than this time last year? Have our enjoyments for that period been worth the trouble of living?” -Aaron Burr

I think of this quote at the end of every year. Have my enjoyments been worth the trouble of living this year? Last year’s end of the year wrap up contained this phrase: “I didn’t so much fall this year as saunter vaguely downwards.” Well, this year I feel I can answer Aaron with a resounding, “Yes.” It was not a “good” year, but it was an important year.

What have I done this year? Well, let’s start with some statistics.

5 shows—The Importance of Being Earnest, Mary Poppins, When I Grow Up (revue), Rumors, and The Drowsy Chaperone  

94 castmates

78 books read (and I anticipate finishing two more by year's end)

10 states visited (although Washington DC isn’t actually a state)

10 roommates (and three unofficial ones)

4 dating site accounts

3 times seeing Inside Out in theatres

2 Comic Cons (6 celebrities met)

And a partridge in a pear tree.......

Some other favorite things this year:

TV: JESSICA JONES

Musical: HAMILTON

Movie: Inside Out and The Force Awakens were very different movies, and I’m in love with both of them.

Music: I discovered Passenger; All the Little Lights may be the most perfect album I’ve ever heard. Fall Out Boy’s American Beauty/American Psycho album helped me survive the summer, though.

Single: Although Adele’s “Hello” is the obvious choice, I never get tired of making “Uptown Funk” jokes.

But beyond lists, what happened this year? I spent the first five months falling in love, and the next five trying to get over a devastating breakup. Don’t fall in love, kids. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less. But here’s the thing: I spent those first five months telling myself not to screw it up, because a breakup would break me. Lo and behold, I’m still here. Fight me.

Friends, I know I’ve talked about my breakup a lot this year. I’m sorry. All I can say is it was the most painful motivation to grow I’ve ever had. But I did grow. This summer I could feel myself becoming a better person. My mom always says, “There’s no growth in a comfort zone and there’s no comfort in a growth zone.” Dating is now less intimidating. I mean, I already met the man of my dreams, and he went from asking me my ring size to ripping my heart out over the phone and shredding it. What are you going to do to me? Haha. (Sometimes my paragraphs have the intention of optimism and end up careening into black humor. It’s chill.)

Anyway, after the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad break up, I was buoyed up by the strong female friendships in my life. Sometimes I take those for granted, but I hope not to make that mistake often. The ladies in my life always keep me smiling.

Another group that makes it easy to smile is my theatre community. The Importance of Being Earnest let me play my favorite ever role, Cecily Cardew. Wearing a pretty dress (and corset) while brandishing both a diary and the wordplay of Oscar Wilde is what I want to do every day. That cast gave me life (and an excuse to use my beloved British accent). I still want to talk about it forever. 

Mary Poppins was a massive production; I haven’t been in a cast that large for years. Huddling under blankets in our outdoor backstage area, checking my phone for texts from the outside world, and praying that I’d remember the reprisal dance of “Let’s Go Fly a Kite” became the norm. We sold out several nights, and I acquired five theatre wives. 

When I Grow Up was a life saver for me, as the invitation to join came directly after my breakup. I needed to be out of the house working on something, and a revue fit the bill. Rumors was my other non-musical show this year, which was going on at the same time as the revue. It’s a Neil Simon farce with a cast of ten, and we put the whole thing together in ten days. Our last rehearsal ran till midnight in a rehearsal space that wasn’t where we were performing. Laughter and panic abounded—less than two weeks ago we’d done our first read through. Playing Chris was such a blast. Smoking a fake cigarette stressed me out more than it should; I just couldn't make it look natural! But these ten days were some of my favorites of the summer.

The Drowsy Chaperone finished up my year, performance wise, and with my decision to start school again means that I won’t be onstage for a long, long time. L L L It was a fantastic note to go out on, though. What a cast! I loved singing, dancing, and telling groaner jokes with these people three times a week. I explored my gangster side for Olga Moloscovitz and her “Toledo Surprise,” as well as dressing as a monkey and a 1920s stereotype of the Chinese culture. I joined the Prime Numbers gang and introduced a new cast to my obsessive pacing. It was a good time, is what I’m saying. 

This year was huge for me in terms of spiritual growth. I feel like I’ve talked extensively about that too; it’s been at the forefront of my mind. Last January I wasn’t attending church regularly, wasn’t sure that I was going to stick around, and felt weighed down by the guilt of my life. The week of my breakup, I started reading the Book of Mormon consistently for the first time in way too long. Almost immediately I felt like a different person. It was the most dramatic personal change I have ever felt.

On December 16, I received my endowment in the Washington DC temple, a major milestone in my life. I remember walking through Temple Square one day a few years ago, touching the temple, and promising myself that I would go inside one day. Achieving goals feels good. I am grateful to bishop for talking me through the steps that would lead me to the temple, to my friends for supporting me no matter where I was, and to my family for believing in me. Most of all, I am thankful to Jesus Christ, whose grace is indeed sufficient.

Last year, I feel like my unspoken goal was to get away with as much as possible, and I made some pretty stupid life choices. This year, my heart changed. I still have a long way to go, but I want to be good. I want to live up to my potential. I don’t want to squander my youth.

On that same note, I registered for classes at Salt Lake Community College. I won’t lie to you, I’m scared to go back to school. I’ve always worked hard to educate myself, whether I’m in classes or not, but science is my Achilles heel, and science is what I have to take. Wish me luck. The goal is to meet my science requirements in the next two semesters, and then focus on the fun classes: history.

Speaking of history, this year saw me visiting places I’ve been dreaming of for years. Talk to me about it and I guarantee I’ll start yelling about how much I love history. I stood barefoot on a Civil War battlefield. I’ve seen an original portrait of George Washington that used to be displayed in Mount Vernon. I splashed around in it Atlantic Ocean. Washington DC stole my heart from the first moment, and I honestly want to move there. I have to see more Revolutionary War history. HAVE TO. The small taste that I was given of making it personal, not just words on a page, was intoxicating. Living on the east coast is my new dream. Hopefully by this time next year I’ll have a plan to make it happen.

I also made a second trek to Orlando, home of the Wizard World of Harry Potter. I wouldn’t ever live in Florida, but staying for a week is a joy. Hogwarts is home. I already promised to take my two littlest siblings back when they’re tall enough for all the rides.

In terms of books I read this year: The Looming Tower: Al-Qaeda and the Road to 9/11, Without You There Is No Us: My Time with the Sons of North Korea’s Elite, and Four Seasons in Rome: Twins, Insomnia, and the World’s Largest Funeral were standouts. You may think that one of these is not like the other, and you’d be right. But although Four Season wasn’t as serious, it was fantastic; I highly recommend it. Anthony Doerr’s prose is delicious. (A more in depth post about the books I read this year will be published soon.)

We finally got a new Star Wars movie; I think they rocked it. Rey is my queen and I have a regrettable crush on Kylo Ren. (Please, please, please read all the tweets by @KyloR3N – Emo Kylo Ren gives me life.) 

More Star Wars news: THIS YEAR I MET CARRIE FISHER. PRINCESS LEIA TOUCHED MY FACE. I also met Sean Astin, James and Oliver Phelps, Tom Felton (who I’m in love with), and Felicia Day (ditto). Much fangirling ensued.

Thanks for sharing 2015 with me. I am so thankful for all the friendships and support that I’ve been lucky enough to have this year. I admit that I get an ominous feeling when I think about 2016. This year was such a Personal Growth one, and I get the feeling that next year will continue the pattern. Giving my free time to school instead of theatre is going to be very difficult for me, emotionally. But a new year is also exciting. Who knows what awaits us around the turn of the calendar? The next chapter is starting. Let’s write a good one.

(One more set of Emo Kyle Ren tweets because they are legitimately perfect.)

An East Coast Love Letter

HOLY FREAK YOU GUYS I’M IN LOVE WITH THE EAST COAST AND I WAS NOT PREPARED

When I planned this trip to Virginia I assumed that I would have a good time. I was excited to see my family. I knew there would be some cool historical sites around. I did not realize that I was going to fall in love with this area of the country to the extent that I don’t want to come back to Utah. 

I will, mean. I will come back to Utah. I keep telling myself that my stuff is in Utah, along with my house, car, and job. I have five star friends in Utah. But, as a place, Utah suddenly seems to have been weighed in the balance and found wanting. (Watch as I still live in Salt Lake in 2023.) Here is a quick-ish rundown on where I’ve been:

Virginia

Robert E Lee’s grave: Located on the campus of Washington & Lee University. Washington & Lee has, by the way, the most gorgeous campus I’ve ever seen. It has red brick buildings with white columns sitting in front of a grassy common area, and the contrast and classical architecture makes me want to cry.

I want to go to there. The grave is in Lee Chapel.

The tour guide and I were buddies.

Stonewall Jackson’s grave:

Stonewall Jackson’s cemetery is my new favorite place. I went twice in two days. The first time was during an overcast dusk, and the atmosphere was out of control. But even on a sunny December afternoon, this little cemetery owns my heart. The graves are so old. The majority of death dates are pre-1900. Some of the stones are so worn you can’t read the names. I would go there every day to write.

Legit my new favorite place

Manassas Battlefield: This is the site of the first battle of the Civil War. I’ve always been more of a Revolutionary War buff, but this week has given me a new desire to educate myself about this defining conflict of our country. The field looked so tranquil, but five thousand men died there, over the course of two battles. I was barefoot (it was either that or brave the mud in heels), and I felt very connected to the past. That sounds hokey, but it’s true.

Virginia Military Institute Museum: VMI sits directly next to Washington & Lee, but it couldn’t look more different. W&L is charming, VMI is imposing. VMI looks like a barracks, a fortress, or a particularly tough castle. The museum was impressive, but more I'm more of a W&L person.

Blackfriars Playhouse: Staunton, Virginia has the world’s only re-creation of Shakespeare’s Blackfriars Theatre. The Globe, his outdoor theatre, is more famous, but Blackfriars was the first indoor theatre in England. He founded it with eight other men, including Richard Burbage and Will Kempe. I LOVED this tour. It was just the tour guide, my sister, and me. The tour guide, Patrick, was sassy and geeked out about theatre as much as I do. Standing on the stage was a great moment. The theatre is much more intimate than I expected; the audience is RIGHT THERE, and not many rows deep. Thinking about Shakespeare always makes me emotional; thank heaven for that man.

The American Shakespeare Center performs in “original staging conditions,” which means no blackouts: actors and audience share the same light. A portion of their season is also under original rehearsal conditions, which means actors are given only their lines and cues to learn, not the whole script, and have no director. Oh, and only 48 hours to rehearse. The quickest rehearsal period I’ve ever had was ten days, and that was a whirlwind. It keeps your reactions true, though, if you’re hearing the full show for the first time when you perform it!

Anyway, I WILL come back and see a show at Blackfriars. I have to.

My little sister's play: MaryAnne was in a Christmas show called Yes, Virginia. It was adorable. She was a newsie and a village child. I was beaming the whole time.

Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens: I could’ve seen the same movie in Utah, but would I have seen it in a theatre that didn’t play previews? I doubt it. There was something magical about the transition from a black screen to “A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”

Thankfully I didn’t have the film spoiled for me, and I intend to pay it forward. All I’ll say is that I can’t wait to see it again, I applauded at the end, and I pretended my car was a tie fighter on the drive home because STAR WARS. In summary, it was awesome and had the same spirit as the originals.

Southern Virginia University: This is the school my dad is teaching at, and he gave me a tour. It used to be a hotel, until the economy crashed.

 The clock tower chimes Christmas carols every hour. There is an old school ballroom with a giant Christmas tree, and a bathtub in one of the bathrooms. My dad led me down into the basement, which he refers to as the dungeon, and said it reminded him of Hogwarts students going to Potions. I'm so glad I'm part of this family.

Washington DC

Washington DC temple: This temple is breathtaking! Seeing the Christmas lights (it’s basically Temple Square of the east) without having to deal with snow is my aesthetic.

World War II Memorial: I can’t believe it hasn’t even been a hundred years since World War II. Never forget.

Korean War Memorial: There are a statues of men making their way through bushes, which represent a marsh. It was powerful to me.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt Memorial: I haven’t read his biography, but there were some top notch quotes. Also, a statue of Eleanor. That’s what I’m about. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Lincoln Memorial: Climbing the steps of this famous landmark was emotional for me. (I tried to block out the fact when filming National Treasure, Nicolas Cage was also on these hallowed steps.) Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address is carved on the walls of the monument, and I felt a rush of gratitude towards Lincoln. He wasn’t perfect, but he did his best to keep the Union together.

Washington Monument: I CAN’T DEAL WITH HOW COOL THIS LOOKS. Everywhere I looked—in the reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial, in the choppy water of the Potomac River, or surveying the skyline—I seemed to end up back here. I am George Washington’s number one fangirl. It didn’t help that Hamilton has consumed my life, and I kept thinking of Eliza’s last song. She sings, “I raised funds in DC for the Washington Monument” and Washington echoes, “She tells my story.” I almost cried looking at the monument and thinking about Eliza, Washington, and HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM. When right up against the monument it seems to extend eternally upward, and that seems right.

Martin Luther King Jr Memorial: “The stone cut out of the mountain” symbolism was spot on. Although giant steps have been taken, I couldn’t help but think that we still have a ways to go. But I’m always glad to see Dr King’s life honored.

Jefferson Memorial: My little sister asked, “Are you a Jefferson fan?” as we walked up to his marble palace. No, is the answer. No, and I’ve tried to be. I read four separate biographies trying to become a fan. Didn’t work. I did like one that focused solely on his reading habits. I think he’s a genius. I think he helped get some great stuff going. But I can’t love him. (John Adams and James Madison is where it’s at.) The memorial was beautiful, though. Marble is my weakness. Another Hamilton moment: I stood in front of the statue of Jefferson and sang, “We hold these truths to be self-evident/ That all men are created equal/ And when I meet Thomas Jefferson/ Imma compel him to include women in the sequel/ Work!” Perhaps not the most reverent of tributes, but it happened.

Honestly, I didn’t expect to fall head over heels in love with Washington DC. I've always thought of it as an afterthought to a future New York trip. But walking around the giant loop connecting all these memorials….. I want to live there. I want to have the Washington Monument in my skyline and cross the Potomac on my way to work. Not sure how realistic this dream is, but my heart wants it. There is so much else I want to do in DC! I haven’t been to a single Smithsonian museum yet. Ford’s Theatre has a museum, too. And there’s the National Zoo, and the National Archives. That downtown demands to be explored! We drove past the White House, the Capitol building, and the National Theatre: I want to go to there. And then there's the galaxy of activity that is New York; that's still an experience I insist on having.

My mom told me, “You have to plan another trip here” as I was posing for a picture. “That’s the problem,” I replied. “I don’t want to plan a trip here. I want to plan a life here.”

Again, I have barely scratched the tiniest bit of the surface of what there is to do here. Every historical site I’ve visited sends me into a tizzy of HISTORY FEELS. There's a reason I'ma history major. It’s just—I feel different in the presence of something old. A place where something important happened, someone significant stood has a depth to it. Give me more of this history, and give it to me now. I can't get enough of it. I want to see Mount Vernon, Philadelphia, and Boston. I want to form a personal connection to Yorktown, Jamestown, and Gettysburg. There is so much to learn and so little time.

I've spent a lot of the last week yelling, "IT WAS SO COOL" when I try to describe something. Imagine when I get to go to England. I’m really going to lose my mind over there.

Leaving on a Jet Plane.....

I’m leaving/ On a jet plane/ Don't know when I'll be back again....

Well, I do. I'll be back on Christmas Evening. (Not to be confused with Christmas Eve.) But still. I've done more flying today than I ever have before-- I've been on a plane or in an airport from 6:23 (Mountain time) to now, 5:30 pm (Eastern time). Still a couple hours before I'll reach my final destination.

Oh, there’s no place like home for the holidays…..even when “home” is a state you’ve never visited before. Virginia, in this instance. Like Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes sang, “Home is wherever I’m with you.”

Salt Lake City’s winter has decided to be the gift that keeps on giving, in that it snowed all day yesterday and was still doing so when I left the house at five thirty this morning. Rest assured I talked to my car (Cathy) all the way to the airport, assuring that she could do it, she was a good car, and she didn’t want me dead. Although the freeway was scary I arrived just in time to catch the shuttle. Security was backed-up, but I made it to my gate four minutes before they started boarding. Crushed it.

Nice things about this flight (from Salt Lake to Dallas, Texas): I had the window seat, and the middle seat was empty. This resulted in Business Man and I using the middle seat as a home for my purse and his newspaper. It was pretty great. Unfortunately, our flight took off half an hour late due to needing to de-ice the wings. I knew that my connection was going to be tight, so I booked it out of there once we landed. I’ve always been impressed by Texas airports. Those I have visited are huge and know how to transport people quickly. I took the rail several terminals down, then made a mad dash to the gate.

However, my running was in vain. I watched the gate announcement change from “Flight Boarded/Closed” to “Flight Departed.”  I tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end it didn’t even matter. Haha. Actually, I wasn’t stressed at all. The benefit of having worked in an airport for several years means that it all seems par for the course. I’ve seen so many people miss flights that to pretend that it’s the end of the world is ludicrous. There was no specific reason I needed to land in Virginia at four pm instead of seven. Don’t worry, be happy. C:

I chatted with Nita from American Airlines to see what flight she could get me on. She was friendly and my kind of person. She rebooked me on the next flight from Dallas to Charlotte, North Carolina, which began bordering in ten minutes. I used those few minutes to use the restroom (I CANNOT use the restroom in the sky. It’s like camping. I’ll wait.) and buy a candy bar, as I was starving. I was in the Dallas airport for all of twenty minutes, but again I leave with a positive impression. I’ll never move to Texas, but I will certainly not complain about flying there.

The flight to Charlotte was uneventful. Shout out to the gentleman wearing a cowboy hat in the row behind me who helped me get my stuffed-to-the-brim carryon suitcase into the overhead bin. It was heavy, and my arms are weak. He also got it down at the end of the flight; his good karma levels are out of control.

So now I’m sitting in Charlotte, North Carolina, waiting another hour before flying into Lynchburg, Virginia, at which point I’ll be picked up and go to Buena Vista, where my family has lived since August. I’ve already looked up Brookstone (where I used to work) to see what was new. I was also surprised to see a Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory (also a former place of employment). I guess even though I spent eighteen months telling people that we had locations across the country I never quite believed that anyone who lived more than a few states from the Rockies had any right to that delicious chocolate. The couple behind me had an argument about whether or not their cousin is still married. One man has been cussing at his phone for about ten minutes (I think his luggage is lost). I’ve watched the sun set over the airfield and listened to the “Do NOT leave your luggage unattended” announcement about a hundred times.

I love seeing cities spread out underneath the plane as we take off or land. I love thinking about how this is someone’s home town. This is someone’s dream city. There are people who know this town as well as they know anything. And I’m a stranger, just dashing in and out. This level of mobility (I can fly across the country in the time it would take me to drive across Utah) makes the world seem a smaller and more connected place. Every time I travel I resolve to keep doing it.

 Stay tuned for more adventures on the east coast! 

Candy Crush: A Dating Metaphor

Happy day-before-December, friends! How did it get to be so late in the year? Stay tuned for my 2015 wrap-up post coming in a few weeks. Christmas is my favorite holiday; I always look forward to seeing the lights at Temple Square. I'm also excited to go visit my family in Virginia for a week and a half. But let's skip the pleasantries and get straight to the point of this post.

I was playing Candy Crush last week and had a realization about life. I know, I know, Candy Crush is sooo early 2013. But hear me out. Level 153 requires that you match two Colour Bombs (#WannabeBritish4Lyfe). In case you are cooler than me and don't play Candy Crush: Colour Bombs are formed by matching five candies of a color, which is difficult. Normal candies can be swapped around and don't disappear until you get three or more of a color in a row. Colour Bombs can be swapped with any candy, however they disappear as soon as they are used, so you can't move them around the columns, if that makes sense.    

So to complete Level 153 you have to combine two Colour Bombs. The first challenge comes in creating two Colour Bombs. The second, more difficult challenge, is to get the Colour Bombs next to each other to combine them. 

Dating is like Candy Crush Level 153. Everyone is looking for another Colour Bomb to match with, because we all see ourselves as Colour Bombs. Or we should. The person we're looking for certainly will see us that way, even if we think we're only a plain green candy. But it seems to be difficult for most of us to accomplish this.

I've never been great at dating, and that doubled for this level. I started to take Level 153 a little personally. I was feeling the metaphor of Colour Bomb = Single Person real strong. How was it such a hassle to get two awesome candies together? Well, several problems kept presenting themselves in my quest to combine these two star-crossed souls. 

Problem #1: I could create Colour Bombs without a hitch, but never next to another Colour Bomb. Exhibit A:

So close and yet so far

So here we have FOUR Colour Bombs. However, I cannot move any of them horizontally to combine them, I can only drop them vertically. It's frustrating. The Colour Bomb is basically the best candy ever. It is multi-talented and valuable and has helped me complete many levels.  But in this level it is, for my purposes, useless while alone. Any two of these Colour Bombs could match, but due  to location never the twain shall meet. 

Don't you feel like that sometimes? Like these awesome people who are going to match on your level are walking around, and you see them, but your lives don't intersect like you want.  Timing, location, whatever it is, something keeps you apart. If I match any of the Colour Bombs with another candy, they'll vanish. I hate to waste them; I don't want to settle. But it also feels like a waste to let them sit there until I run out of moves.

Problem #2: Striped Candies Are Jerks

All right, time to introduce another player to our chessboard. Wait, strike that. I can't start mixing my game metaphors. Let's meet another candy. 

This is a Striped Candy. Some levels require you to acquire a certain number of these, and they do have their uses. This one has vertical stripes, so it will clear out a whole column if matched with two candies of its color. The ones with horizontal stripes eliminate a  row when matched. On one of my numerous attempts to best Level 153 I had finally succeeded at creating two Colour Bombs in adjacent columns. I made the move that would drop Colour Bomb #2 three spaces, which would place it directly next to Colour Bomb #1. I literally shouted out, "I did it!" Only one move separated me from my goal. Nobody could mess this up. Wedding bells will ring. Wedding bells will chime. Wedding bells will celebrate this happy wedding ti-- *record screeches* 

One of the consequences of dropping Colour Bomb #2's column was that it put a vertical striped candy in line with two other matching candies. Striped Candy came in like a wrecking ball and wiped out the column. The column containing precious Colour Bomb #2. In the blink of an eye Colour Bomb #2 was eliminated, and all I could do was my best Darth Vader impression.

I thought I was set! These two Colour Bombs were going to be happy forever! And then Striped Candy had to go and screw it up. Striped Candies are all too real. They are the romantic rival who swoops it right when you had it made. They are the argument that never quite got resolved. They are a job offer, an unfortunate misunderstanding, the hot coworker who distracts one of you for just long enough. A trip out of town at a crucial time, being too timid, being too forward. Sometimes you're aware of them, sometimes they trip you at the finish line. Striped Candies are the worst, is what I'm saying. The absolute worst.

Problem #3: 

This is the screenshot of my final attempt; I finally got to move on. But I couldn't even take satisfaction from my victory. Look at this nonsense. You've got three Colour Bombs chilling with each other, and Colour Bomb #4 is RIGHT THERE, but it's separated by one column. But only two Colour Bombs get to combine. So Colour Bomb #3 has to choose between Colour Bombs #2 and #4, both of which would suit them equally well. Colour Bomb #1 isn't even in the running, even though if they were ONE COLUMN OVER the four could pair off and double date. They could go for ice cream or something. Play doubles in tennis. The possibilities are endless. But, no, in this scenario we get a Forever Alone and a love triangle. Why you gotta be this way, life?

So that's my sugary metaphor. What should single people do? Rely on pure, dumb luck that there's a Colour Bomb in the column next to you that has somehow evaded the sabotages of Striped Candies? I don't know. Advice is not my forte. (Unless you are looking for advice about what books to read or shows to watch [JESSICA JONES]. I gotcha covered there.)

Anyway, this is not a post that offers solutions, only problems. Allow me thirty seconds of venting, if you'd be so kind. Dating is basically the worst. I like to think that I bring some attractive qualities to the table. I'm smart, I'm geeky, I'm funny, I'm musical-- I consider myself a fairly interesting person. I meet cool men. Sometimes the cool men even go on dates with me. But how do you gauge interest, really? I'm simultaneously biased in my favor *and* my own worst enemy. How do you keep a guy interested without scaring him off? What do you do when you can't stop thinking about him, but he has all the texting initiative of an Amish chipmunk? Again, I have no answers.

Maybe the next level will provide the answer.

The Wisdom of Jessica Jones

I faced down a near-death experience this week.

Okay, that's blowing it out of proportion. I got my wisdom teeth out on Thursday. Lately I've been inexplicably obsessed with death, and I halfway convinced myself that I was never going to wake up from the anesthesia the surgeon would put me under with. I wrote a will in my journal, and left instructions that Taylor Swift be invited to my funeral. During a team meeting on Wednesday afternoon I leaned over to my coworker and whispered, "Just think, this time tomorrow I'll be dead."

Yeah, sometimes my sense of humor dips into the macabre.

Anyway, I got the wisdom teeth out, and clearly I did wake up. I've had remarkably little pain, and haven't even filled the prescription the surgeon gave me. Lots of yogurt and ice cream, that's the way to go. I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to eat at Thanksgiving (I assured everyone that if I wasn't able to, I would, quote, punch a table), but my mouth is healing remarkably well. Also, the main highlight of that meal is the mashed potatoes, and I'd be able to eat those regardless.

For purposes of recuperation I took the day off work today. Guess what else happened today? Netflix released the first season of its original show, Jessica Jones. I didn't plan this. Sometimes the universe is nice. I sat down with the aforementioned yogurt and ice cream to binge watch the heck out of this show. I am all about female powered shows. If I can't have a Black Widow movie I'll watch this in the meantime. #femalesuperheroes2015 

I LOVE THIS POSTER

I started it in the morning and finished the series around eleven at night. I know not everyone had all day to watch this, so no spoilers until after the jump. You guys, it's five stars. There are so many things I like about this show: strong women, complex women, women passing the Bechdel test with flying colors, women relying on other women......    Haha, this is a great show for women, is what I'm saying. But there are other things too: the suspense is spot on. I love the use of color thematically, and that's not something I would normally notice. The pace is fast and every character makes mistakes. THIS IS WHAT I'M ABOUT. Main characters who never make mistakes are the WORST. 

But far and away what makes Jessica Jones one of the best new shows I've watched in years is the villain. David Tennant was already one of my favorite actors, but his performance here is breathtakingly good. Perfection. Heath Ledger in Dark Knight level. He stole my attention with his every entrance and demanded I care about what he would do next. This is ACTING. Krysten Ritter is also stellar as the title role. She ain't no maiden in need of defending, she is grown! (Someday I will stop quoting Hamilton, but today is not that day.) However she's also an emotional wreck who verges on being an alcoholic.

Maybe it's just me that instantly compared this show to Daredevil, Netflix's other original Marvel series set in Hell's Kitchen that was released earlier this year, but compare it I did. In my book, Jessica Jones is head and shoulders above Daredevil. I enjoyed Daredevil, but I never *loved* it. As I said, I watched Jessica Jones in one day. I got mad when I could tell it was wrapping up. "No!" I yelled at one point. "I'm not ready to be done with this yet!" Again, no spoilers until after the jump, but there are several reasons I enjoyed Jessica Jones more. This show is just as dark as Daredevil, perhaps darker. Certainly more  violent, or at least more violent when you're not expecting it. I'm the type of person who watched onscreen violence with fingers over her eyes, so if I can tell a dude is about to murdered, I try to look away. That was easier to do in Daredevil. Make no mistake, this is a violent show. (Also the early episodes have a lot of sex scenes, so be aware of that.) But as soon as I finished Jessica Jones, I was half tempted to start it again.

I'm now about to go into a more specific analysis, so don't read if you don't want spoilers. Let me urge all of you to go watch Jessica Jones, which is not your typical superhero show, and in which David Tennant gives the performance of a lifetime. I need more evil David Tennant in my life, stat.

Read about the plot, characters, and other fun stuff after the jump.

The Post With a Lot of Pics

I feel like I haven't written in here for a while. What have I been up to, you may ask. Mostly drowning in free time. I had been continuously cast in shows from July 2014 to October of this year, (2015, for those of you who may be confused). The last month has seen me wandering around in a fog of confusion...... "Aren't I supposed to be at rehearsal right now? When is call time? I don't understand. Where's the costumer for real life?" As for the idea of winter (we had our first snow yesterday), this stock photo shows my general reaction:

It's a flaw of mine that with more free time I get less productive. My reading has gone down and my Netflix has gone up. I'm trying to counteract this with getting up early, but what has been happening is I wake up, look around, congratulate myself for getting up so early, and promptly look at memes on my phone until I have to go to work. BUT NO MORE. I've been reading a fascinating biography called A Sense of the World by Jason Roberts. It's about James Holman, who traversed the world in the early nineteenth century, despite being blind. I love it, which is why it's so inexplicable that I haven't been reading it. Damn you, human nature. I WILL finish it this week. 

Halloween was a blast. I got hang out with cool people and watch bizarre YouTube videos. These are my goals for every holiday. I went as an Avid Sports Fan. GO SPORTS. 

I've been finishing up my preparations to go through the temple and receive my endowments in December, when I visit my family in Virginia. It's time. It's happening. My little sister Bethany is leaving for her mission to Texas on November 18th. How did this day get so close. I can't handle it. I'll be picking her up from the airport. My grandma asked if I wanted to drive her to the MTC (Missionary Training Center), but I told her I wouldn't be able to leave the parking lot. It's hard to drive when you're sobbing. Bethany is the bomb; she'll be a great missionary, and I'm proud of her, but it's going to be tough to not talk to her for eighteen months. 

 I keep getting told to watch Arrested Development, so it's next on my queue. Does anyone do awkward as well as Michael Cera? I don't think I even have to watch it to know that the answer is no. I've gotten into Parks & Rec, finally. Ben Wyatt is me. I've finally started sitting down and watching Star Trek in chronological order instead of sporadic recommended episodes. Sulu and Spock are my children. (It occurs to me that some people are probably able to fall deeply in love with fictional characters and not call them their children. Well, I'm not one of those people.)

I got to watch my coworker's cat for a weekend, which filled me with both joy and delight. We partied. (By partied I mean that I sat on my bed doing embroidery [I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me] and she persistently tried to mount an expedition into my closet. It must be Kitty Narnia.) <3 cats <3

I have to get my wisdom teeth out. This is the age of wisdom, I guess. I mean, it's been a very eventful year in terms of getting my life back on track and self-discovery and all that good stuff. Thanks to the orthodontist of my teenage years ripping out several teeth that technically didn't have to go (some people say I should let this go; these people are wrong) my wisdom teeth are fully in, but they've been overgrown by gum tissue that makes it difficult to chew crunchy things like Doritos. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE DORITOS. Honestly I probably wouldn't ever do anything about it if it wasn't depriving me of chips, because, you know, whatever, but it is. I went to the oral surgeon and they had me sit alone in a little movie room and watch a movie about  what might happen after or during the surgery: nerve damage, complications, dry socket, and possible death. ALL GOOD THINGS. After that I was much less keen on getting them out. But Doritos.

I finally took Hamilton out of my cd player, after thirty-two straight days of it being in. Do you understand how rare it is I listen to the same show over and over? It's never happened to that extent before. LISTEN TO HAMILTON. I'm now having withdrawals. True story. If I wasn't already married to John Oliver, I would marry Lin-Manuel Miranda. And if I wasn't married to John Oliver or Lin-Manuel Miranda I would marry Richard Ayoade. But, you konw, I *am* married to John Oliver. (I never wore those Mrs Bloom necklaces in junior high, so I get to do this kind of celebrity attachment now.) Speaking of my husband, one of my coworkers messaged me the other day and said, 'Your husband is good in this.' It was a John Oliver video. SUCCESS ACHIEVED.

MY HUSBAND

Learned that there's a cool park near the state capitol, so that's nice. Also, apparently state capitol buildings get a gold dome if there's been a president from that state. And Utah's state fish is the cutthroat trout, which is quickly disappearing, unnoticed. #TheMoreYouKnow #DramaticEmoFish #FindingEmoNemo

Okay, this post has taken a turn into the awkward, rambling and weird. Imma leave you with one more Buzzfeed quiz result, because I place way too much stock in those. Peace out, y'all.