Various

Spring is here, and change is in the air.

I'm starting a new job as a banquet server at the Lion House; I was officially hired today. I am psyched for the whole not working on Sunday thing. I haven't been to my ward in a long time, and it's an awesome ward. I am also looking to pick up a second part-time job, and I have positive feelings about one of them. We'll see.

I am *so* close to being done with War and Peace. Only about two hundred pages left. Yes, a regular novel may *be* two hundred pages, but when you've got eleven hundred under your belt, two hundred doesn't seem like much. I kind of want to linger in it, though, because there's nothing like reading a really good book for the very first time and honestly not knowing what's going to happen. You have your desires and fears, but you don't know. And then there's a plot twist, and you're like, "Whaaa?" I wish I could remember the feelings I had reading the early Harry Potter books for the first time. That's been so long, I can't remember not knowing what happens in them.

General Conference was so good. Lots of emphasis on families and service.

I shared the awesomeness known as Cinder Edna with my roommates Amber and Jill tonight. They loved it. I honestly think every young woman should have a copy of this book. Fantastic. If I can find The Rumpelstiltskin Problem I'm going to lend that to Amber. Might have left it at home, though. That reminds me, I need to get a copy of Howell's Moving Castle. It's been a while since I've read it, and I LOVE that book.

So, yeah. I'm not the depressed emo that I sounded like in the last post. Not all the time, anyway, haha. Sometimes you have to let out the sadness, otherwise half my music library wouldn't have a purpose for existing.

Hope ya know, we had a hard time.

♪ I have died every day waiting for you....darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years....I've loved you for a thousand years.... ♫

Some days you just want to cry, and then eat all the chocolate in the world while Taylor Swift sings sad songs.

This is one of those days.

I don't know how anything is going to turn out, and I'm scared.

There's a possibility....

Last night I said to myself, for the first time in a Very Long Time, "Rebecca, you may be on the verge of getting a social life." Let's not jump to conclusions, but there have been some very nice possibilities coming up lately. Of course those aren't guaranteed, and things still seem to move much too slowly. I want to punch waiting in the face. But it's nice to at least finally have a possibility.

Current reread: Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott
Here's the back cover description (which should be prefaced with a giant ***SPOILER ALERT***).
"The heroic adventures of Sir Wilfred make Ivanhoe perhaps Scott's most unforgettable work: the fiery rescue of Sir Wilfred of Ivanhoe and his fellow captives from Knight Templar's castle by Robin Hood; the wounded Ivanhoe's trail by combat with the powerful Knight to save the lovely Jewess Rebecca from the stake; and King Richard the Lion-hearted's aid in Ivanhoe's triumph at evil King John's tournament."

Rebeccas are awesome.

Crazy Urges

I had my first real audition for a professional company this weekend, and it has left me wanting more. Honestly, I don't think I did that great, but the thrill of being in a room with a multitude of high energy people, doing my best, for the possibility of changing my life and actually getting paid to do something that I love-- well, it's addicting.

It is great to have a steady job. I really, really, really like getting a paycheck every Friday, and being able to buy food. Really. I enjoy having low stress levels. But every day I walk through the door of that call center, I am waiting for that opportunity to come that means I won't have to anymore. I am terrified of looking around and realizing that I am twenty-two and still spending all day on the phone with strangers who don't want to hear that the San Francisco Ritz-Carlton is completely sold out. I know I am young, but that is precisely the point. The time to do things is while you are young. I hate missing opportunities.

Maybe I don't have what it takes, but maybe I do. I know what I do have: a strong work ethic and an intense passion.

If I am completely honest with myself, I want to quit my job, pool my savings, and make a run for whatever professional auditions I can get to. Of course, I'm not going to do that. But I want to. I am at a stage in my life where I have realized that my dreams are not going to come true unless I have a business plan for making them come true, and I am having trouble fitting a 9 to 5 job into that business plan. For the money, certainly. For the time restraints...not so much.

People figure this out, though. They do.

You can't always get what you want....

Or all the things you want, anyway. You just can't do it.

I currently have: a house (not moved in yet), a job (not out of training yet), and several auditions coming up in the next two weeks. I currently do not have: near enough the funds needed to make me feel like I am on a comfortable footing in case of emergency. I do have a paycheck coming in every Friday, but this week's and part of next week's is going to pay my rent. There is the always present gas money. I'm not sure if I'll even have saved enough to attend the University of Utah in the fall (I got accepted!) or if that's what I even want to do. I know where I want to be, I just don't know how to get there. Inspiring Tony winners assure me that they have felt this far away from ever succeeding, but it's difficult to believe. If I can just NAIL this audition....if I get a callback, I will be happy and if I get cast I will be thrilled. C:

So In Love Am I

I can't stop listening to Rigoletto. Verdi is a genius, and I love this opera. I was fortunate enough to see it performed twice in the last week at the gorgeous Capitol Theatre and it was FANTASTIC. Going to order a recording as soon as I can and drive around blasting the awesome courtier choruses in my car. And the Duke's Act III song, even though I hate him. And Gilda's aria, sweet, naive thing that she is. And Rigoletto, of course. Let's face it, I'll just be blasting the whole album. That's how I roll.

Attention, Ladies....

The day I never thought would come has at long last arrived: Johnny Depp is single. Finally separated from the woman known as Vanessa Paradis, whom I have detested all these many years. Let me tell you, finding a sexy, gorgeous, single, talented actor who sings and has been People's Sexiest Man Alive (with good reason) is not exactly an every day occurrence. I first discovered Johnny Depp with the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, and I haven't fallen out of love since then. Alice in Wonderland, Finding Neverland, Benny and Joon, The Tourist, Cry-Baby, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Corpse Bride (not even near all of the films I could name).....the man's got an insane amount of talent and an unlawful amount of gorgeousness. Here's to your singleness, Johnny, and may I soon remove it.