There's a possibility....

Last night I said to myself, for the first time in a Very Long Time, "Rebecca, you may be on the verge of getting a social life." Let's not jump to conclusions, but there have been some very nice possibilities coming up lately. Of course those aren't guaranteed, and things still seem to move much too slowly. I want to punch waiting in the face. But it's nice to at least finally have a possibility.

Current reread: Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott
Here's the back cover description (which should be prefaced with a giant ***SPOILER ALERT***).
"The heroic adventures of Sir Wilfred make Ivanhoe perhaps Scott's most unforgettable work: the fiery rescue of Sir Wilfred of Ivanhoe and his fellow captives from Knight Templar's castle by Robin Hood; the wounded Ivanhoe's trail by combat with the powerful Knight to save the lovely Jewess Rebecca from the stake; and King Richard the Lion-hearted's aid in Ivanhoe's triumph at evil King John's tournament."

Rebeccas are awesome.

Crazy Urges

I had my first real audition for a professional company this weekend, and it has left me wanting more. Honestly, I don't think I did that great, but the thrill of being in a room with a multitude of high energy people, doing my best, for the possibility of changing my life and actually getting paid to do something that I love-- well, it's addicting.

It is great to have a steady job. I really, really, really like getting a paycheck every Friday, and being able to buy food. Really. I enjoy having low stress levels. But every day I walk through the door of that call center, I am waiting for that opportunity to come that means I won't have to anymore. I am terrified of looking around and realizing that I am twenty-two and still spending all day on the phone with strangers who don't want to hear that the San Francisco Ritz-Carlton is completely sold out. I know I am young, but that is precisely the point. The time to do things is while you are young. I hate missing opportunities.

Maybe I don't have what it takes, but maybe I do. I know what I do have: a strong work ethic and an intense passion.

If I am completely honest with myself, I want to quit my job, pool my savings, and make a run for whatever professional auditions I can get to. Of course, I'm not going to do that. But I want to. I am at a stage in my life where I have realized that my dreams are not going to come true unless I have a business plan for making them come true, and I am having trouble fitting a 9 to 5 job into that business plan. For the money, certainly. For the time restraints...not so much.

People figure this out, though. They do.

You can't always get what you want....

Or all the things you want, anyway. You just can't do it.

I currently have: a house (not moved in yet), a job (not out of training yet), and several auditions coming up in the next two weeks. I currently do not have: near enough the funds needed to make me feel like I am on a comfortable footing in case of emergency. I do have a paycheck coming in every Friday, but this week's and part of next week's is going to pay my rent. There is the always present gas money. I'm not sure if I'll even have saved enough to attend the University of Utah in the fall (I got accepted!) or if that's what I even want to do. I know where I want to be, I just don't know how to get there. Inspiring Tony winners assure me that they have felt this far away from ever succeeding, but it's difficult to believe. If I can just NAIL this audition....if I get a callback, I will be happy and if I get cast I will be thrilled. C:

So In Love Am I

I can't stop listening to Rigoletto. Verdi is a genius, and I love this opera. I was fortunate enough to see it performed twice in the last week at the gorgeous Capitol Theatre and it was FANTASTIC. Going to order a recording as soon as I can and drive around blasting the awesome courtier choruses in my car. And the Duke's Act III song, even though I hate him. And Gilda's aria, sweet, naive thing that she is. And Rigoletto, of course. Let's face it, I'll just be blasting the whole album. That's how I roll.

Attention, Ladies....

The day I never thought would come has at long last arrived: Johnny Depp is single. Finally separated from the woman known as Vanessa Paradis, whom I have detested all these many years. Let me tell you, finding a sexy, gorgeous, single, talented actor who sings and has been People's Sexiest Man Alive (with good reason) is not exactly an every day occurrence. I first discovered Johnny Depp with the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, and I haven't fallen out of love since then. Alice in Wonderland, Finding Neverland, Benny and Joon, The Tourist, Cry-Baby, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Corpse Bride (not even near all of the films I could name).....the man's got an insane amount of talent and an unlawful amount of gorgeousness. Here's to your singleness, Johnny, and may I soon remove it.

Welcome, 2012!

I was able to be home for Christmas, thank goodness. And what an excellent Christmas it was. I love being around my family and doing all the things we've done for years. While I was here I got to celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas, Joshua's birthday on New Year's Eve, New Year's Day (Welcome, 2012!), and even my little sister Lydia's first steps! I was hoping she'd take them before I had to leave. Watched lots of movies with my family, including the new Winnie the Pooh movie, which I have absolutely no excuses for not having seen before this point. Adore.

Once I get back to Utah I've got some stuff to get done. I've found a new job at Marriott, so the time has come to quit my Brick Oven one. I'm ushering a Tchaikovsky symphony on the 6th, and throughout the month will be seeing two performances of Rigoletto, two of Brian Reagen's shows, a dance remix, a children's show, a Dancing and Romancing revue, and one South Pacific.

It has come to my attention that the newest Disney show to be adapted for the stage is Aladdin. Let me say that I have wanted this for years. I hope to see it when it comes to Salt Lake, but I also am hoping to audition for it. You never know, right? Might as well be a part of something when it's new and people don't have quite as many built up memories of past performances.

Speaking of past performances, the Frog and I has been over for a couple weeks, as I'm sure you were just dying to know. I made a lot of good friends, which I will miss more than the actual show, which involved me wearing a wig, putting potato flakes in my hair, and the cast spitting marshmallows at the audience.

Goodbye, 2011. You were a good year, mostly. I sang my first ever lead role, moved to my first big city, got in my first Utah show. I discovered Doctor Who, Les Miserables, and Alexandre Dumas, all of which are awesome. I feel like 2012 is going to be a good year, amazing, even, and I'm determined to do all I can do to make it so.

C:

Ambition Wanted

I'm sitting in the library, looking out the window at a river of cars flashing by. So many lives, so many stories. Behind them, there's a spread of lighted homes, and a whole lot of Christmas lights. Utah doesn't waste time.

I need some ambition. Or rather, I need things that I can give my ambition to. My job was working great, but then they randomly cut my hours down to less than ten, which is not something I can live on. So, back to job-hunting. My show opens on December 15, and honestly I will be glad when it is done. If I've learned anything from it, it's that I need to be in real musicals, or straight plays. None of this "play with music" stuff.

So when does this show come? I don't know. When and where will I find a job that lets me get into an apartment? I don't know. Am I going to be accepted to the University of Utah, and if I am, will I get into the theatre department? I don't know. Should I even be in Salt Lake? I. Don't. Know. I am aware that nothing in life is certain, but I'm not very good with not having a plan.

Christmas is my favorite time of year, but I've never had to spend it away from home before. When I was in Chadron, I knew that I would be going home in time for the actual holiday. Now, I have no such guarantee. I don't think I'm ready to grow up yet.

As soon as things start getting anywhere near stagnant, I start getting antsy and thinking that maybe I should move on, even though I haven't genuinely settled here yet. I'm so anxious for the future to get started, but I don't know how to start it.